Self-searching

its been two months.

2011-08-15T06:00:00.003+08:00

6aug, k session @ fushionpool.

hi, it's been 1month since i last updated i guess. hmm, shouldn't have anybody still exist here i think. ahaha but its ok, i'll just update to keep my blog alive.:)

its 6am, and ive got 2 papers later on. i haven't slept a wink yet. i guess i'm heading home straight right after the two papers end. wo bu kai xin.:( cuz i'm having running nose. oh my, it just keep dripping non stop, my nose gonna drop off. urgh, cant eat flu med, how shaggggggg. ok look at the date. we were separated for 2 months. time flies right? haha getting over a person like you is easy, its only memories. kkkk dont talk about him.

on a happy note, N's are getting nearer, which means holidays are approaching me too! i need to dye my hair like srsly. right after n's k.:) i need to go shit now, then prepare to go school! ciao!

Gone and don't ever come back.

2011-07-10T02:54:00.002+08:00

Sup! It's been quite some time since i last updated. Haha due to my laziness. Ok, the picture above was taken like two weeks ago, with my bbyg. I luv her so much! :) We went to Bugis on that day I think, haha like a bored actually. Um recently, school was fine, life was alright. Nothing much changes, and nothing much affects me though. Well, was shocked by the news that both of them were together. Bbyg bet with me that i'll surely cry when I go home, but i didn't ok! Like for what? I already did that before, and I feel that it's so stupid. A guy can find a girlf so fast after break up its either, he didnt love the girl before or he love the new girlf more than his ex. Whatever it is, i will always remember, being happy is the key, and nothing else. Now, i'm contented with my life cuz of my besties, tyy and bbyg! Hehe! I believe, if God wants me to have boyf, wants me to be loved, a guy will surely appeared at the right timing.:) K bye, i'm so hot, i nidda fan now!

12 days since you gone.

2011-06-24T04:06:00.002+08:00

Hi. Recently, my post was all about R. Let me do finish a timeline, and i'll stop thinking, writting, and talking about him. I mean it this time round.

Do you still remember?

March, is the month we first know each other. I still remember where is the place, and it is Kallang Bahru. You was an really outgoing boy, talkative, noisy, active, was really nice too. We hitted off very well, we could click so well too, talked alot although that's our first time seeing each other. We played daidee, and I played songs through my phone. After that, walked over to bus stop to wait for my bus home, we exchanged number from there. We texted, yes, however no feelings were developed back then. We spent the whole month slacking, and probably nothing else. I could get to see you almost everyday. I still remember, I would send you home twice or thrice every week. And you wouldn't decline. We would slack at your house voideck, chatting happily and laughing.

On a random Friday, Brian had hotel room at USS, and invited us to go. In the hotel room, I could still remember, your phone kept vibrating, cos you was messaging with J. You never neglect your phone. We did so many things there, although I know it wasn't right, but feelings had already developed that time. Even though I felt guilty towards J, but I still can't resist you. I still remember I helped you to patch with her, it's like cutting my heart. As I just couldn't bear to see the guy I like to end up being hers agn, but I still help. Cuz' I know that you love her dearly.

April.

The following day of hotel, you broke up with her. I remember, it's april fool day, which is 1st april. You showed me the message, I felt so sudden. To be honest, I felt happy, because I wanted to have you so much when you was with her. She treat you badly, brothers around said about her, but you ignored and you go for her. I really envy her so much. She gets all your love, your dote, your time and everything. After you broke up with her, we spent much more time together. More quality time, and we were together on the 6th. I still remember where do you ask me, it's at your house level. And everytime, I sent you home or I sent you home, you would say, you can't bear to let me go. That's very sweet. But I can't hear it anymore. I was so happy being with you, initially. First one month, was the happiest day with you. I bet you feel the same way too. We were so sweet, we stick to each other almost everyday. You would tell me you miss me, and you love me randomly, we would talk on phone. Till one day, you told me you gonna work at LAN shop on the 16th. My heart sank. I know that, if you or me went to work, our relationship would definitely be shaken. So yeah, it really goes that way.

May.

From the day you work at lan, I never fails to absent myself from there. I met you up for lunch almost everyday at first, but getting lesser due to I cant wake up on time. I'm not tryna say that i'm very good, noble or what. I just feels that, I never fail in being the duty of your girlfriend. Quarrels start from this month. It's funny to think that, once we quarrel, we never end. I don't know why either. On our first month, we went to Bugis to get your top and bottom. Intend to watch movie, but there's no suitable time slots, so we gave it a miss. And we walked ard Bugis, and went back to lan to find your brothers. That's a very simple first monthsary. I was pissed at first, cuz' I don't expect our first month would be so boring, but after that I think that, it's enough cuz I have you by my side. Anywhere we go, anything we do, its ok. On the 28th, its your b'day. You have bbq at pasir ris park, all your brothers are there for you, included me. I made my own way down there, holding on with your b'day cake. In the end, the cake was spoilt. The strawberries dropped, chocolates melted. I didn't deliberately do it, but I know you were pissed over this. You said, I swing my hand while holding onto it. But did you think for me? From pp, I made my own way all the way to Pasir ris, alone. And, try thinking, will I do this to the cake for my boyfriend? I don't understand. But it's ok. There's so many memories.

June.

It was a very short month, cuz' we broke up on the 12th. However, you left me memories on the 6th, which was our 2nd month. You brought me to Night Safari, cost you a bomb. We took the tram, going ard seeing animals. We had dinner at the restaurant, and watch their fireshow. Exciting much. I still remember, you went to internet to look up for places to go on our anniversary. I really appreciated that very much, it's very sweet of you to do that. I remember the day you broke up with me, it was really fucking sudden. Know what? I really hope that, you'll come back to me, hug me from the back and tell me, "Bee, im just kidding." but well, i am just dreaming.

From the day we broke up till now, it'd been 12days. Time flies to you, but it's really like crawling to me. I know, we were impossible to get back agn. I'll fuck off, I mean it. No matter how you treat me after break up, I will still want you to be happy. We both can find someone else better, in future. Time can heal my wounds. Boy, i loved you once. I'm not gonna love you for the second time, I don't wanna get hurt agn. Guess i've typed enough, takecare boy. You leave me memories, thanks so much.

this would be the ending. i'm alrdy numb with everything. i could barely feel anythg.

What do you want from me.

2011-06-23T04:05:00.002+08:00

Know what? There's so many things that happened after this break up. I don't understand why. I just wish that after break up, we can still be friends, I mean like seriously normal friends. It seems impossible, but whatever k. It seems like, i've become the bad person now. No matter what I do, its not enough. No matter what I say, its just rubbish. "Trust is to gain back, not to be said easily." Yes, I agree. But, there's nothing I can do to gain back. Nobody dare to trust agn. I am really sick and tired of explaining. Assume and do whatever you like. It's people mouth, I can't control. It's facts that I still love you, but does that means that I must endure all these? My feelings seems like nobody care. It's okay, really. Fml.

This is for you.

2011-06-22T16:27:00.003+08:00

I'm so fucked up this morning, like seriously. Who do you think you are? It's just that I still love you, doesn't mean you can abuse the right to scold me without getting the fucking facts right dude. Start off the message with "OI" somemore, is there something wrong with you? You just forced me to scold you back, you pushed over my limits.

What did you know so far? I suppose, you only know about remembering my bad, those thing I did that defy you, that makes you unhappy. Eventually, you hate me, like now. Don't you think you're so selfish? Only remembering my bad, how about those good things i've done? Don't tell me i've not done any single of it. But I know you will say, whtever good things I did wasn't enough to cover those bad things. Fuck you like srsly. You forgotten all the sweet times we had tgt, you only remember the bad. Of course you'll hate me this way. What you know is judge me, assuming, probably nothing else. One of a kind. By judging, have you ever ask yourself, is this really what you think of me? By assuming, is this really what you want? I felt like, I don't understand you at all. Like, you too. Whatever it is, i'm really gonna fuck care you, as you wish.

9th day.

2011-06-21T03:22:00.003+08:00

hey it's been 9 days. how are you? did you miss me or maybe even think of me? did i ever cross your mind after that day? i wanted to ask you so much but i know i will never get any replies, or maybe hurts. it really hurt when i found out that, you burned away all of our photos, every single one. you threw away the green hairband i gave you once you know i'm at the bbq pit. i don't understand why it's so hard for guys to be friends with girl after break up. it ain't so hard you know. maybe guys are afraid to get hurt, so they rather hurt the girl first. Maybe? Idk.

guess what? i just realized, actually there'd already problems in this relationship earlier on just that both of us aren't aware back then or our thinking were like, let it go, it will pass. so we end up here, like today. its so hard for me to sleep now. you are so heartless now, playing hard to me. its really diff before and after. idk what can i do to sleep for more than 10hours now. which in the past i can do it easily. sleeping pills? nah it'll affect my health. FUCK THIS SHIT.

i miss so many things happened on us before. just the both of us.

i miss sending you home.

i miss you sending me home.

i miss your sweet messages.

i miss your hugs.

i miss your lips.

i miss you accompanying me to polyclinics to fake mc.

i miss you telling me how much you miss me and love on the phone.

i miss the feeling of being love by you.

i miss you telling me how much you're afraid to lose me.

i just miss you so effing much.

but i know you won't do the same, anymore.

do you still remember all this things? i'm breaking down but i still have to live on every single day. i'm so scared when it comes to night time, my mind is full of you. but i know you are happy without me. you felt relieved. but me? struggling everyday.. how can you let me go just like that? how can you just give up? how can you just leave me? baby i cant get over you but i must do it before depression takes over me. i know you don't care, i'll fuck care too. i hope.

is it really too late?

2011-06-17T14:22:00.001+08:00

I felt like I don't have the strength to do anything. I felt I don't want to eat anymore. I said so many times, I will let you go, I am over you, but do you think I mean it? I want you back so much, but I know it's too impossible. Whtever I can do, i've already did. Even spamming you with messages and calls, making you hate me even more, I did. I know I shouldn't do this, but every night the feeling came to me, and it's so terrible. You are enjoying everyday, leaving a smile on your face. Are you really happy? I don't know, but I know i'm definitely not. I don't understand why someone so close with before, can just become strangers just one night? And I don't understand why, when I truly love someone, I always end up having nothing. Maybe my methods are wrong, maybe i've got my wrong, but nobody is perfect. And as long as I truly love you, any problem? k la, I've been repeating all these for umpteen times. I'm tired alr. Guess the only thing I can do is wait.

4th day.

2011-06-16T13:42:00.002+08:00

Hi. It's been 4 days, yes I survived for 4 days. I thought I could never see you agn, until yesterday. I wanted to see you so much, but at the same time, I feels like I don't wanna see you. Actually I can just get over you easily, upon those things you did to me, those things you said to me. But now? Hahaha I don't why. Just remember, is you who don't dare, don't wish, don't want, to give you and me chance and time. Not me. Its you who gave up this relationship. Its me who done wrong, hwever I tried to make up to you, but you dump me halfway. I thought our love was so strong, could withstand all those negative things, but now? Whtever it is, I mean my words. Even though there's no U turn, I am still here. I don't know how long I will be at here, but I will keep trying, keep going. Live happily with our own life. :)

this is going to be over.

2011-06-15T02:10:00.002+08:00

Hello. I'm very tired now honestly, for the past 50 plus hours, I had only slept for not more than 10 hours. In total. Can you imagine how shag can I be? But it's okay, I won't torture myself for losing my beauty sleep anymore. I won't torture myself in any way, anymore. Well, maybe he never ever love me before, maybe he just used me to forget his past, his pain. Okay, actually i'm very disturbed by these, I even wanna hate him just like he do. But, I think clearly, I shouldn't act like him, turn love intro hatred. It's childish thinkings. Just because I annoyed him, and he hate me. I think, doesn't mean he hate me, and I should hate him too. In love, its not tit for tat. I know, and I understand. We're not meant to be, so in the end we still go our own ways, and live separately. I am just wondering, for these 68 days, is he ever serious? I wanted to ask him so much, but I choose not to. It's pointless to do and ask anything right now. He's happy with his life, living happily everyday. I should do the same too. I believe, every break up train human to be stronger. I strongly believe in that. It's ok to fall, but get up quickly after that. People around me and him, tryna help our relationship, but he don't give a damn, so letting go is the only choice. Yeah talk is cheap, its just words, I will do it to prove I am happier than him.

Yeah memories still haunt me sometimes, but its okay, really. To him, i'm just nothing, i'm worse than everyone. As long as I know, I loved him before, we were together for once, its enough.

I am over you.

thoughts.

2011-06-14T10:45:00.003+08:00

sup. its been two days. the time is like crawling, idkwhy it feels like two years. i'm feeling so deprived from sleep, cos every night i'm afraid of getting to my bed. when i lie on my bed, memories automatic run through my head. and the feeling suck. idkwhy i'm doing this to myself over someone who can do better without me, asking me to fuck myself off from his sight. I SRSLY DKWHY. friends ard me telling me to let go, and i think i should and i must too cos facts wont change. i still have to face the reality. i know i know i know, but i just cant do it. failure much? i said i've moved on, yes i'm trying. i know i will, in time to come.

For you.

i looked through your status, yes in another way i stalked you all the way to February. i read every single status you post, yes every. you can do so much for her,Draft more when you know she's meant to be bad, a player in love. you dont mind what you get in the end, you just go for her. your post definitely show that you love her alot, and i can see that you're being damn emotional cos of her. almost from the first day you add her on fb, till the day you two ended, you post about her in whtever ways, good or bad or sweet or sour as in jealous. jealous over her when she also dont even know how to behave. you gave her chances, and time to change just that she failed. but what about me? you just dump me off when im tryna change halfway. everyone thinks for you, but me? i'm just a girl, what do you expect? at least i know whats the basic and i did what i should. its really damn sad to feel that, i dont worth your love at all. just becos of her, you think im the same too. pretty unfair, but i know love is never fair. you said by hurting me you don't feel happy too, but you are still hurting me even if you didnt do anythg. wherever i go, reminds me of you. whtever i do, reminds me of you. and however hard i tried to stop thinking about you, i fail. but you? you wont be there for me anymore, cos you can just let go like that, just telling me you think we are not suitable for each other. and hurt me with your words which you know its hurtful. meeting other girl just the next day we broke up. this r/s cant be save anymore, i know. this r/s is officially over, i know. you dont want this r/s anymore, i know. i cant bring your heart back i know. everythg i did with you, i will remember. everywhere i go with you, i will rmb. thats the only way to let you go, but keeping everythg to me.

maybe you'll be happier with her. idk when i will get over, even if i dont, i wont let you know. i thought we could last, but i was wrong. im sorry that i didnt manage well enough. its over i know.

being friends also cannot, pretty much disappointing too but well its ok. you cant be bothered anymore, yes? I WILL BE FINE. goodbye.

ended.

2011-06-13T04:35:00.003+08:00

yes, we are over. yea just like that. this time he seemed certain that there's no way back, impossible to be back agn. woah, its fucking hurtful. but there's nthg i can do. i want his heart, not just his body. these two weeks everything seems so fine, out of a sudden he initiated a break up. you know, this feeling is scary,at the same time terrible. i guess even tho how much im willing to change, its no use. to him, i'm bad or even worse. but he never know how i'm feeling. and sorry dont always cure. if sorry can bring back everythg, people will keep err.

i'm thinking about those days, months ago, when we just met. and i miss it so much, yea just so much. i cant imagine what things happening right now. we were so fine back then. before we get tgt, we were so fine. no quarrels at all. no hard feelings at all. as time goes by, feelings grown to him. but i kept mum, i didnt tell anyone. cos i thought we were impossible to be tgt. and i dont wanna hurt myself by confessing. however, after awhile, people noticed about my feelings. i still remember that day when he chose to be with me, i send him home, and slacked at his house dwnstairs. we talked, and he promised never make me cry agn. i was delighted, i'm way too happy. everythg were so sweet at first, but now, we are apart. or maybe strangers. i know i cant behave this way, and talk this way, its so failure. but i have no choice, srsly gonna breakdown... i told myself i have to be strong, yes i have to. and i will.

i miss the days when we do nthg but slack.

i miss the days i sent you home even before we are tgt.

i miss the days you call me mummy.

i miss the days you call me baby.

i miss the days you say you love me.

i miss the days you make me feel loved.

i miss the days you tell me you miss me.

i miss your smile.

i miss your lips.

i miss your kisses.

i miss your hugs.

i miss every time spent with you.

i miss everything i did with you.

i miss everythg you said to me.

i miss you.

but i know, you wont be back. maybe you're better off without me. i told myself this. let go, amanda. he's not yours now, and forever. he's gone. yes i know.

love is just so hurtful. bye.

love is in the air.

2011-06-07T00:33:00.004+08:00

ni hao.:) i just came back from night safariiiiiiiiiiiiiii with baybeeeeeeeeeeeee, i'm so kaixinnnnnnnnnn! he spent a bomb at there, entrance fees plus tram ride, gosh so expensive. luckily s'porean got discount. ahaha k la, im sort of typical s'porean~ spent half a day with him, another half he spent with his brothers, now at ktv. lol hope he's enjoying even though i'm missing him so much. awwww, darn fast, we just parted for like 1hour only. just kill me please. the feeling of missing someone is so terrible. :(

kkk enough of rantings. took a shuttle bus to Mandai from lil india, darn long, took us 1hour to reach but its worth it! i enjoyed so much today, thanks baby, i luv you hun.:)

2nd monthsary.

2011-06-06T14:43:00.006+08:00

sleep. but poor me, slept for ard 2 hours, woke up for nothing. worst is, cant get back to sleep. too excited or what? ahahah maybe. this 2 month wasnt easy at all, it'd been more than what it seems. actually, mansup. happy 2nd monthsary to me and my bee!:) well, we didn't plan to meet early today, so he can catch up his sleep since he's like, deprived from ycan be hidden behind every single person because we used to bottle it up, and maybe let it explode things someday. no no, i'm not tryna be emo or what, but its really tough for me as well as him this 2 month. time seems to pass fast, but we know it clearly what we had been through to survive till now. all those quarrels, angers, words, i hope its over but i know it havent. promises arent meant to be broken, sometimes you just couldnt control and thats life. you dont always get what you want after you strive for it, when other people get it without striving, thats the feeling you have to taste. ahah.

no matter what, i loyou still hunve .:)

300th post for my love.

2011-05-28T04:43:00.002+08:00

sup, i'm currently at a lan shop, yes at this hour lol. its hubby b'day today, his sweet 16teen, later having bbq. i'm thinking why every couples must quarrel? its like, dont quarrel will die? it simply wont but it often happened because one don't know how to give in, another don't know how to shut up. or worst, both don't know how to give in. srsly, i didnt mean to pick a fight on his big day, it really hurts me to see that post, full of vulgar words. is it a must to use vulgar words? you can just use another way to express your anger, for goddess sake. but guess what? i still love him as much as ever. i'm just like that, no matter what, my heart wont die unless its really somethg that kills me straight.

this relationship really come by not easy, thats why i'm holding on tight. his bro told me i'm too possesive over him, he told me to let go abit. if i let go, will we be happier? if we will, then i will do whatever i can. perhaps its the first sister-brother r/s, sometimes i really dont know how to handle. but i trust myself and him that we will be able to overcome everythg and last. i dont wanna lose him, and lose this r/s. well, i know that time pass, things changed, human change too. plus, human is the most terrible creature who can change just overnight. maybe, the best to end a quarrel is to just keep quiet. silence is golden, i suppose. ahah. my feelings dont fade so easily, that doesnt mean i wont. but i wont allow that to happen.

happy b'day my boy, i love you.

time flies~

2011-05-15T03:49:00.002+08:00

hello, its 0350 now, and i have to wake up later at 7am for picnic session with bern and co. WOAH. but guess what? if i can't wake up, i'll probably give it a miss. my eyes are so fucking tired which i dont know why, i'm not physically tired, that's what baffles me. weird right, ok i know. ahah. yes its a sat, and i spent it at lan shop with hubby. i didnt enjoy to the fullest for so many sat(s) already, omg, gonna pester hubby to give me his sat so that we can spend twosome time:) i love it when i'm with him alone, yes just the two of us.

Hubby and me were quite alright all these while after the major quarrel. i realize that, we'd really been quarrelling over things that are totally not worth it at all, result us to strain our r/s. but i've straightened out my thoughts already, i will not quarrel over 'these' kind of things agn. however y'know, sometimes you can't control and you'll yell, and thats the start for quarrel. i will endure, i guess i've made it:) i saw a text from his bro, ok it really pissed me off. its like, i dont know that if i'm having a r/s with his bro or him. i srsly dont like other people to interfere on my things, especially my r/s cos to me, it only concern two person. but i cant do anything, shit. i cant possibly tell him to fuck his bro off, impossible. so i'll just see and shut my mouth up. kk enough of complaints, on a happier note, i'm going east coast with hubby this coming wed! i'mma happygirl, ahahah. i'm so looking forward, and i guess we will enjoy that day by ourselves, sure thing.:)

time really flies, but i didnt forget all the times we spent together, all the things we do, and things we said of course not everythg but most of the sweet and impt one were printed in my head. its not even 2 months we know each other and we got together, but so what? now we are together, we can understand each other even more and deeper. we'd been together for 1 month and surely still counting on, we'd a long road to walk, i trust you, and us:)

i miss rikicha now, but he's sleeping! thats sad but never mind, i'll go to sleep and when i wake up i'll probably see his text. ahaha ciao!

rckw's.

2011-05-01T05:32:00.002+08:00

ni hao, now is 0540, and i'm still awake yes. spent my sat likea boring, slackkkkkkkkkkkkk.

Anyway, had a quarrel agn just nawww, yes agn. actually, it wasnt on purpose, omg how should i say? I mean, i didn't rlly wanna pick a fight with him, but i'm sry my emotions just got over control me. yes, my attitude sucks so much, i know thats my fault. Ok, i dont wanna find excuses for my attitude problem. These few weeks had been quarrelling likea endless, over trivial thing, wtf right, i know. We always fight over the littlest thing, i find it so hard to survive but i won't give up boy. just hurt my heart extremely hard that you just allow your brothers to decide timeout for our relationships, and everythg just becomes my fault. i dont know why did their words mean so much to me, and i dont know how much my words mean to you. i'm super fucked up with school, family, and recently over you. everythg just tryna go against me, i gonna deprived from peace. Well, i know patience guys are hard to come by, i just expect you to spend more time with me, aint that hard right? we would just yell at each other after talking for a few minutes, or even few seconds. I hate this, we both hate this, but we cant control. and often, both of us dont really take the initiative to talk just because of pride. i ate up my own pride for so many times before i met you, now i'm afraid of throwing my pride away anymore. i hope you will understand me more, at least try, but i know you wont cos you wont be able to read this, you arent even aware i'd blog._. Ok enough of rantings, bedtime nawwwwwwww. Nightz.

that's when I love you.

2011-04-28T08:46:00.002+08:00

Hi. My body is in school now, my soul is flying outside, and my heart is with R now. It's like, many things that happened all these while really made me felt helpless, speechless. Pretty disappointing to see how things come so far and turn out this way, and sometimes saying disheartening words, ain't the act of being loser but just nothing is my strength.

Look, it's almost a month that we'd been tgt, our honeymoon past so fast. We started to quarrel almost everyday and it really tires me out. Yea my attitude sucks srsly, i know. You ain't any better. Everyday, i'm just waiting for you to text me, and most of the time i'm the one texting you first. I don't mind about who texting who first, I just feel that you don't really care. I cherish this relationship, i really do. I will give my all, but if you don't, that's it. I was telling myself, come on amanda! No big deal, just be happy as long as you love him, its enough. I guess, this helps

contented with the least thing that falls on me.

2011-04-06T11:28:00.002+08:00

oh well, i'm here agn. I'm feeling happy, guilty, and felt like as if something's missing. Happy because, after so many strugglings and tears droppings, finally i've an answer. Guilty because, she made me felt as if i'd snatched away him. In fact I didn't do anything that imply him that I like him. Well it's okay. Something's missing because, he's not with me now. Going prison, hahah retarded.

I just feel that, I like him so much. His words can affect me alot, my mood, and my everything. I think, i'm letting go of E. It's been the 5th year, so what did i get? Nothing. Waiting for someone impossible are both tiring and pointless. Even if ckw and I don't have future or we don't last, its okay. I am strong enough as i'd so many encounters to make me strong. I won't regret on something i did, someone i love, i will only regret that i should have be smart enough to see it coming. This is me. I'm happy now, yes. I don't know how long will this last, but I will try my very best to keep it going and maintain.:)

turned off.

2011-04-03T04:26:00.003+08:00

Its going to be daybreak soon, look at the time. Well actually I decided not to blog, but i end up here cos i need a space, i got so much things to say. Im afraid that if i don't say out, im gonna faint. Im not being emotional, but people around and things around just don't let me have peace. Ive been rather stressed up these few weeks, and its so enoughhhhhhhhh. I.need.to.rant.NOW.

So had a quarrel with parents and siblings, just ytd. Everytime we quarrel, i'll cry, yes its everytime. I felt so useless in this home. To be honest, they gave me freedom, they tried to gave me whatever i wanted, they made me feel that somehow they still love me. But they don't know what i really want, deep down in my heart. In this house, there's no one i can confide, yea no one. All busy working, and im studying if not im out. The reason why i rather stay at outside than at home is cos, to avoid quarrels with my mum. We're like enemies previous life, never know when we will quarrel or fight. And, i got nothing to do at home, srsly nothing other than watching tv. Who will enjoy this kind of life? Even if ive got 0 cents in my purse, i'll insist on going out. Kay enough of family matters.

I don't understand why do i always either fall for the wrong person, or fall for the right person at the wrong time. Srsly i dont understand. Maybe its fated to be, i shall just surrender. Falling for you was never a mistake or regret. Im thinking about giving up, but i could hardly decide. Cos to me, giving up are only losers. I dont rly give up on something i wanted so much, or someone. But this time, he made me feel we're so impossible, and i dont wish to get hurt in the end. I dont wana have sleepless nights till i nidda rely on flu tablets to make myself sleep. The feeling of when yknow you're almost there and yet all your hopes are gone, and you dropped all the way down. Its so terrible, i'd this feeling before and i dont wish to feel it agn. Well, i think i should rly let nature take the course. Meanwhile, i must not harbour too much hopes. I hope i really can...

i'm bad but i don't care.

2011-03-29T17:52:00.002+08:00

Sup. I'm feeling so tired right now but i'mma going out soon. Yea slack as usual. School'd been quite alright, just that detention is getting on my nerves. Srsly wish to get out of this school, but i'm only left with 4months plus, i'm gonna bear with it!
I think I like him. I know people will say i'm bad but I don't care.

feelings

2011-03-24T16:36:00.002+08:00

Hi. I'm not feeling okay, but you won't know that.

It's funny when you cry over someone who don't appreciate. It's even ridiculous when you don't even know why did you actually cry. It felt so terrible, so awful, the feeling of suppressing your own feelings to the least cuz' you're afraid of the thought people have on you, and worst still he don't even know your feelings towards him. I feel so heartbroken, when I know i'm not the one you turn to when you face problems alone. I feel so speechless when you no longer believe me and listen to me like how you used to. I'm afraid of this, when someone once so close with me, suddenly things just changed. I felt baffled too, why am i feeling this way in sucha short time. I know I shouldn't, in the end i just fell so hard. I'm sick of falling. I'm sick of nagging. I'm even sick of being the bad person everytime. I will just be there by your side, when you need me. That's the least I can do. I hate myself now srsly. I don't know why i'm behaving like this, totally no idea. And i shouldnt. I don't wanna be a crybaby, i shouldnt. From now, i'll stop. I hope i mean it.

fly likea g6~

2011-03-13T04:18:00.002+08:00

(Y)

Sup!^^ I'm finally back, omg it's been one month right! I've not been updating this space often cuz' I didn't rly get to use comp, not cuz' i'm lazy. Hahah, for the past few Sats ive been staying overnight till I cannot take it, so here i am posting. I can't afford dark rings and pimples. :$

Oh well let me start off with what I rougly did all these while. Mainly, I was just studying during the weekday, and enjoyed during the weekends. I srsly looked forward to every weekends arrival, cuz' school work had been tough for me and school rules had been coming down hard as well. Just suffocating me so much that i'd more toilet breaks during school hours to skive and to chill. I think, just one term my attendance are damn bad cuz' had been giving letters and mc. Like y'know, teenagers style, give school a miss or like most people say, "pon ten." haha.

N level is coming in like 180+ days, roughly about 6 weeks more. By that time, you'll see me rly mugging with my books. Of course, at the end of the year, I hope I can do well and also Eczx.:)

(12-3) Today was another boring sat for me. Spent half of the day at Plaza sing with Eddy, Yonglee and Jiehui. In between, some unpleasant things happened, just our luck that we managed to survive this time if not there'll be another war in my family. Well, I hope the secuity man will mean his words...... Slacked at kb aftermath, and homed close to 12am.

Anyway on a lighter note, holidays officially starts now! Kai xin ok, though its only one week but better than none:) I'm gonna catch my beauty sleep, don't wanna be deprived from sleep. Haha ok, bedtime for me naw! Goodnight~

happy val's day.

2011-02-14T02:22:00.002+08:00

Time check now is 02:23, and i'm not asleep yet. Yes, you must be wondering why am i still here at this space. Because I can't sleep despite i'm feeling tired. I'm so dread of going to school tmrw. Reasons, first, i will be alone in tmrw cos bbyg is sick hence she's on mc. Secondly, tmrw gonna be a fucking long day cos there's assembly and i gonna go stage agn cos ive not been going running programme. Worst still, mr Z remind me to go one of the days last week. Third, first two period is maths, which literally kills my mood. Fourth, i guess i will have detention tmrw aft school cos of the running programme. Can you imagine, aft a freaking long day, you still have to go to a room like prison to suffer for another 2hrs or what? I feel like giving school a miss tmrw, but i can't so i have to be a good girl later. And i guess, i won't be sleeping, so it will makes me more tired. How good is school nowadays? Holy school rules. Okay enough of school.

I didn't post for like 2 weeks, well i was just lazy. Since now, i'm totally free, so here i am. All right, let me talk about cny. This year wasn't that great, totally no cny mood. Plus red packets money were another disappointment. By the way, ive already spent finish my red packets money. I bought clothes, and spent on other things. But i'm gonna save now.

I gonna bath soon, to keep mysef alert. I can't sleep now, if not i wont be able to wake up later. Or i wake up i will be damn frustrated. Ciao.

mood spoilt by the bitch.

2011-01-31T18:45:00.003+08:00

Hi. I gotta vent! I was so pretty fucked up by the aftnoon assembly. Nabeicb. Let me talk about: Running Programme in School.

Know what? I thought aft assembly I can leave school on the dot, but in the end I was held up by HER in the hall. Reason being, I didn't went for the running programme twice a week. It's like, don't you have to spare a thought for other people? By calling all the overweight people up the stage, and yell at us, you don't give us face! At the same time, you're making yourself a public nonsense. I suppose, in this school not many people ever liked you. And I know, you don't fucking give a damn too, if not I won't see you in school anymore. I bet you love this school, you love the students, but we don't love you at all. Oh please, just look into the mirror. You preached so much about how important is healthcare, and that school is helping us to lose the extra weight cos we are overweight. Fuck srsly. School should be a place for us to learn not for us to lose weight! If we wanna lose weight, we know when we should, and what to do. School won't help, apparently only the discipline rules help. Cos if i am absent from RunningProgramme, i will be send to detention. Nobody likes that, as it sort of like a prison. And teachers know that, student hate detention so if they use yellow make us go this programme we will eat this. But what's the point? Using the rules and rights that you've to force us do things which we don't like. I'm in my last year in this school, yet i can't enjoy my life there. I thought studies are much more impt, so why bother to check on attendance abt that? Attire and attendance in school i can understand, but running programme? Srsly man, enough or not? This year school rules had been suffocating most of us. now ive got another to stress. My weight is my problem, isn't? Just care about studies, can't?

makayrius, ily.

2011-01-30T06:44:00.003+08:00

Its 0644 naw, and i'm gonna sleep only now. I hope i can have a good sleep, anyw i deserved it. Its been so long since i last sleep well, for long hours. Please bolster, let me cuddle and sleep through the day. I love EddyChngZhiXiong, goodnight. *Insert hearts.*

the reason is you.

2011-01-30T03:48:00.003+08:00

Hi, ni ma ma wo is posting now:)

Bugis street with meatball goh this aftnoon. Yea shopping, she bought quite a number of clothes for lny, i bought a shoe for myself. And i love it, even my mum says its nice. Aft i get my red packets money, i'm gonna buy somethings to pamper myself agn:) Ok back to topic. Eddy and koksoon joined us at 8plus, walked ard and bused to Buangkok at 9plus. Yes, went to chng's crib. Like aft so long, and finally. Left at 11plus, and i bused all the way back to tpy. Hell long, took me 45mins. Butt stiff rlly.):

Lny is approaching, next wed official reunion dinner day. Yea i'm looking forward to it very much. And i know money is coming to me. :$ Hahah, thinking of that makes me happy. But aft lny hols, i will feel more stressed up. Cos cpa coursework starts right aft lny hols. Fml, N level this year. Argh, please, i don't wish for high grades or flying colours. I just want a grade to get nto my desired course, all right. I'm gonna study soon, trust me:)

Goodnight~

btw, happy b'day esteeloh!:)

i'mma happy girl tday!! :)

2011-01-23T04:36:00.006+08:00

Sup!!:) Actually my eyelids are alrdy very heavy now cos i spent too much time editing photos and looking at my fb display pic and laugh lik a retard. Hahah but i rlly love my dp, guess i won't be changing dp for long.:) Let me brief through today quickly ok........

Sist came my housestairs, and i had lunch at there. Headed to Nex aft that. Walked ard, and i finally ate my LJS cheese potatoes. Omg had been craving for that. Ok, then keep walking ard, eat and drink. Back to kb at 6plus, slacked with the usual co. In the aftnoon was so boring cos only got me and sist, all the way till later part at night. So happy and high, cos i get take photos with E again!:) Rlly can fly man, hahah kai xin~ Fyi, our first photo tgt alone was last year. Which is like aft I liked him for 4yrs plus then we get to take photo. Maybe in the past we can take alot of photos just that i'm shy or maybe he too? Lol whatever it is, i love the way things are now. Homed at 10plus, good.

Ok let me talk about somthg that I suddenly think of all right.

I'm wondering, if YOU have ever truely love someone. You can say I never, but i know myself whether have or not. But YOU? By calling people dog, though i don't know who are you referring to, I think you're being very childish. Real childish, PUI!!! Ok dog is a very common word use for teenagers nowadays, but what right do YOU have to call people dog? Because you're ain't no better. If you're referring to me, i'm sorry to say that i'm grateful to be a dog than YOU cos you're not even good enough compared to a dog. At least dog is loyal, but YOU? All yknow is flirt, don't you? Then talk shits in fb, say that you love her alot. Bullshits!! I hate this kind of people srsly. I'm feeling so regretted to fall for you back then, now I feel disgusted. And what more, i'm only your spare tyre, her substitute back then. Yes, you talked as if yknow how to think, yknow what love is all about. But no, you don't think and act that way please. I'm rlly regret man, fuck you motherfucker.

School on monday agn, shag. On a lighter note, CNY is approaching!! Very good.:) And im gonna sleep now. Goodnight.

wo hen kai xin yin wei you ni.

2011-01-16T02:23:00.006+08:00

Yo:) I went out today with kb cliques, the usual co. So dont need to list out names yea. We went to Bugis, I also dont rlly remember the purpose of going there. But I got myself a bag and slipper @ CottonOn. Actually im thinking of whether to buy or not, because I dont want to be typical as quite a number of people got the same bag, and I dont want her to have the same as me. Aft thinking much, I bought it. Cos she's no longer in this school, and I seldom meet her too so ya.:) Ok back to the topic. We just walked ard, ate this and that, then bused back to Kb at 7plus. Ate at market, the guys had their stingray and charkwayteow, sist treat me eat dessert. Slacked and home at 11. Eddy forgot to take back his books from koksoon, hahah so he's gonna take it back tmrw. So guilty, should've kept for him all the way. Sry):

Well, next week will be pretty relax as its elective module week. Meaning going out of school for lessons. Srsly, its so great. Like finally can get out of that prison to breathe in some FRESH AIR. Too bad, its gonna start on tues not monday, so i still have to go through attire check on monday. It feels so shit to get check from head to toe in the morning. Ok never mind hope I will enjoy the coming week.:) And I gonna buy myself new pair of flats tmrw, kai xin~ Im gonna sleep early too, aft my supper, fishball noodles! Hahah, so gdnight people, ciao.

wo yi wei.

2011-01-13T18:46:00.003+08:00

Hi. I'm currently listening to a song, thanks to the intro from sist. And it made me think alot, really alot. It's a song some sort of triangle love but don't rlly is. I don't know how to explain, but it just describe my feelings and the words I wanna say long ago. It's rlly sad to listen to it alone, especially with earpiece, you plugged it in your ears when you're in the bus or wherever. I'm addicted to it now, of course gradually I will get sick of this song but it's ok. Guess what? It literally made me cry. I don't know why but this song somehow means so much, at least to me. I thought of alot of things that happened all these while. Wondering why am I always being the loser, wondering why do I always fall for the wrong one. Is it best if I lock my heart, and never fall for anyone so easily so that I wont be hurt? So tired, and i know ive said this for umpteen times, but srsly whenever i start to think, i will have this thought. Im being so emotional suddenly. Okay till here ciao.

Kb clique(s) steamboat~

2011-01-09T02:57:00.008+08:00

Sup.^^ I'm back with pictures, and i'm regret that I didn't blog on the first day of Jan. Actually I get to use comp, but i'm lazy to post. Anyway ive changed phone to Samsung wave. My sist passed me. Its a keyboard phone, touch screen somemore. So im having difficulties texting messages. So don't blame me if I got typos or late reply. Haha. Let me rewind back.

31st December 2010.

I could hardly remember what I did for that day. I met up with sist in the noon at Csm, and we had Ajisen for lunch. At night, headed to MS with Char, HuiJun, Derrian to find Ryan and co. Watched fireworks, then slacked ard. In the end, left with me and char only, yeah two persons. Rot for 1hour, then headed to Lavender by midnight bus NR7. Slacked with Cliff and co, home at ard 6plus.

4th January 2011.

First day of school. As expected, preaches, chantings, shoutings, rules, stress. It's like only the very first in school, can feel the stress alrdy. We know that we are the graduating classes, but don't have to stress us till so badly. It's like, the war haven't even started and we know we are losing. Get it? Plus this year school's rules rlly sucks. So fucking strict! Examples: All guys must cut slope. No straws in guy's ear. Girl's fringe above eyebrow. Skirts to be long.(Expected) This year is gonna be hell, definitely. I think this school expect us to be all nerds. Tsk. My classmates are okay. I just hope this year pass fast, please.

8th January 2011.

Which is this afternoon, had steamboat @ tian tian huo guo with the bunch of people I love dearly:) We ate for 3 hours, end up all sticky and smelly cos of the bbq. After that, went to walk ard at iluma. Before that, was crazy over a guy, working as salesman at a pushcart cos he was cute. Firstly we were attracted by the big bear at the pushcart, then our eyes were on the guy. Damn funny. Ok back to iluma, bought sweets and soft toys all that, bused back to Kb. Rot awhile, and went home with Edwin, Mister E and sist.

And its school day agn tmrw. Feeling so dread to go, cos ive to face those rules and people that irks me. Its funny how they set the rules actually, I wonder if they can be at the standard they set. But they expect us to be at the standard. Joke. All right, I think ive typed enough, ciao now.:)

la you.:)

2010-12-29T02:10:00.003+08:00

Sup. Its been awhile since ive last updated. And now since I got my sist's notebook, so I feel like there's a need for me to blog srsly. Lately, im just slacking. And i dont wish to waste my days and remaining time anymore. School gonna start next tues, hell is coming, yeah. And when school starts, you will see me studying:)

Had a fight with mum on Sunday night. Yes its rlly fight i mean. We argued over school skirt, then slowly she raked up alot of things that I did from the past. Like all parents do that, they love talking about pastimes. The thing that made my heartache wasnt she whack me, it was my own mother actually despise me, and looked on me. Can you imagine? Honestly i didnt expect these but those hurtful words rlly came out from her mouth. Ok i admit, im at fault for raising my voice and talking back. But does that means i deserve these? Hell no. And im so fucked up back then. I cried so hard until the next day i woke up, my eyes are so small and swollen until i scold barely see anything. I just need my mother to love me for who i am and not despise me. Is this hard? ):

sorry that I loved you

2010-12-21T03:29:00.002+08:00

Sup:)

Im currently using my sist new bought notebook.(Y) Great that she bought at the right time, cos my pc comp is spoilt. Hah. Tmrw most prolly i'll be going to sist's crib. Of course not for the whole day, shall see where to go aft that~

Guess what? School gonna start in 2weeks time.): Time rly flies. Come to think of all the school rules, running programmes for late comers, some bitches face. Gosh, irks me so much. But on a lighter note, i can get to see mister E.:) I guess he's the only thing that gonna be the strength to go school.^^

Ive been thinking and thinking, again and again. Whether im alone at the bus, on my bed, or with friends and it suddenly got me thinking. And i finally realize, afterall you're just a crush to me I guess. Feelings this kind of thing, its hard to controlled. But it doesnt means it cannot be faded away. Plus you're not those faithful kind. Haha so why am i pinning hopes on you? Pointless. Seeing how sweet you and her can be, its just envy and jealous. But i wont do anything. Well, i hope you're happy with her. And naw that i can finally focus on other things, that I think its more worth it. At least, they dont treat me as substitute. So carry on with your life, and im gonna get on with my life too.:)Ciao.~

im not kai xin.

2010-12-17T06:07:00.002+08:00

im not feeling good naw, nao, now. Motherfucker.

Things was normal from the starting, just a little cold. But it's ok, im used to coldness now. Suddenly, we just talked like volcano erupt. Fyi, im just being sarcastic to say that. I can no longer keep mum, no longer acts like I don't give a damn when I see the way you talked to her. In fact, i felt that as if my heart is gone. You won't know how hard im feeling, you won't know how terrible it was to spend my night sleepless even though I cried till my eyes swollen but it doesnt make me tired. You wont know whats the feeling when im having insomnia just becos im thinking of you too much. You'll never ever know. I thought i will get over you very soon, but i failed. I guess i just fucking overestimate myself. All you ever do was to judge me. Yea fucking judge me. I don't care how other people judge me, but you are exception! And you said so many hurting words to me. You never think about my feelings. You only care about how you feel.

From the starting, we shouldnt have known each other. I shouldnt have talk to you. I shouldnt have fall for you. I shouldnt have let you occupy my heart for almost half. I SHOULDNT. You dont bother about my feelings, you enjoyed playing games with her, calling her baby, saying you love her. When i wished you, do yknow how much it hurts right inside my heart? I don't wanna let my heart suffer anymore srsly. You said im playful, but however you too. Im letting go. Give me some time. And once i let go, i wont come back to you. I guess you dont need me either.....

we seems so different, lik strangers.

2010-12-14T03:16:00.002+08:00

Sup~ Just naw went v3 @ Boat Quay with Chua and Charlene. When we went in, just sat for awhile, the bouncer or what chased us off. Cos we're fucking underaged!! What the hack. Just because I wore my class tee, shorts, school shoe and a naturally jojo bag, I don't look like 18? This sat I will wear nicer go in, I hope I can pass through! Its sucha nice place, with thai songs and beer to drink. Chua, bring me go on sat ok! :) So many upcoming events, in the urge of money man! Argh. Gotta save.:)

I'm very high today. I don't know why. Hahah. But I like myself to be high, and hyperactive. I think i'll just let my heart goes the way it wants. I'm not gonna cling onto somethg which dont even belongs to me, and someone who don't even love me or even cherish me. That's foolish. This time, i'm smart k.:) Ciao!

I didn't see you for 3 days, omg!

2010-12-12T12:06:00.002+08:00

Hai:)

I just got myself back home not long ago, yeah I stayed overnight. And ive finally bathed, and feel so refresh suddenly. That's very good because I don't wanna make myself tired yet. Ive still got a long day to go! I can't sleep now already, if not I will wake up at midnight. There goes my sleeping disorder again. Sad right? Hahah but I can handle it:) Imma leaving house soon to meet niaochi and handsome gene @ kb. Guess where are we going ltr? Lol a place you can never imagine. Heart itchy right, text me and i'll tell you:)

All right, ive been thinking. Why must I treat myself so bad? Why can't I just let it go? Why can't I just take a break from love, or even anything? Why must I take things so hard? And I realized, ive been too faithful to one, ive been too stubborn, ive not been knowing myself. I mean what im doing. I tried to figure out myself, I rly took time to do that. Cos, no one will do that for me, as its my own thinkings. Well, I still can't make any decision naw. I guess I just don't have enough determination. Im not determined enough to forget about a person, all along ive been like that. My mind had been telling myself, hey come on lah just forget about this heartbreaker. But my heart keeps pulling back into the same pattern. I feel myself cheap enough. I just keep get hurt, and I cried. After that I still stupidly put all my heart into it. How great. -.- Sometimes following what your heart tells you to do may not be the right thing. I'm gonna treat myself better, give myself some space to breathe, give myself some time to forget about unpleasant things too. Sooner or later, im gonna be back to my ownself:)

Ciao world.

you told me the truth,don't you?

2010-12-11T02:48:00.002+08:00

Hi world. This post is dedicated specially for someone I adored, or perhaps like. I stared into this space, thinking about how to start when there are so many things running through my head.

Okay let me start of with how we met. We met in school, of course. I got to know you through 1 guy friend, and you left some impression in me. Back then, you're so innocent, skinny. I started noticed you from then. But you mia from school for a very long time after that, and I didn't see you ard school area anymore. Gradually, I didn't think of you until I saw you at Fp station during sept if i'm not wrong. You called my name, I didn't know it was you till I walked nearer. After that time, we talked a few times in fb chat, then msn. Our first meet up was early in the morning, at Csm. We were practically doing nothing, just wandering ard Csm because it was too early for breakfast, most of the shops weren't open yet. From that first meet up, accumulated to alot of times. That's also how we became closer I think. But ain't rly that close. Close friends share most of their secrets but we don't. I guess feelings just developed from there, the way we communicated, and all. But it's only me, you didn't developed any feelings for me yeah? I asked you, you said yes. Yeah it hurts me. But so what if it hurts me? I won't die because of it. Before you went to overseas, I managed to spend some time with you. I'm contented. When you came back, you gave me a surprised. Real surprised, and there goes my heart sank. Today, my heart sank again. Thanks so much boy, for hurting me constantly at sucha short time. The words you told em' ain't same when I asked you. Maybe problems lies on me, i'm not good enough perhaps. But I definitely won't play with love. You? I don't wish to comment, I don't know much either. No matter how hard it is, that's life I guess. I'll just accept it. With whatever you decided, be happy with it. I'm sick of waiting.

Someone told me, "sometimes we just have to learn things the hard way."

-Aylm.

you kept your promise to her, what about me?

2010-12-06T04:43:00.003+08:00

Hi people. Keen to know about my current mood? Okay i'll tell you. I'm feeling damn vexed of the words he said. However, on a lighter note, it seems that you still care for me. I'm feeling pretty much appeased upon hearing that.

Basically these few days, i'm just slacking throught out. Yeah this hols I didn't work at all, totally no income apart from daily allowance. Don't judge that i'm useless okay, i'm just being lazy. School gonna start, I feel so stressed up srsly. If I didn't retained, i'm already on my way to ite. I don't need to fucking spend one more year in BSS. K shall not 'compliment' too much about school, it will just kill my mood. There's so many upcoming event. 10th to Brighid's crib, 17-19 chalet but maybe i'm not going, just use it as excuse to stay overnight, 24th X'mas eve, 31st NYE. What the heck, come to think of it, all of it need money! Arh.): I need to save money NOW! If i'm working, there will be no worries about money. Sad case I didn't. Wait lah, I will, one day in future. I will work on my own, earn my own income.:)

Actually, i'm not very clear about my own feelings now. I mean yes, I still like you but I don't know why I don't have the urge to see you nor talk to you. When I see your face, it just reminds me of her. That makes me shag. Whatever it is, now you're with her, I can't do anything. I won't do anything anymore. Srsly so tired of waiting for somebody who aren't certain about his own feelings. I will just wait for your answers. I'm already mentally prepared. It's okay if it hurts me, cos it will just bothers me awhile. It won't take me long to get over, I think so.

CIAO.

happy bird day to mie.~

2010-11-29T04:22:00.003+08:00

Hey, it's 4 in the morning naw. And it's my birthday, i'm the b'day girl. How should I describe my feelings right naw? Okay basically, I don't rly feel very happy neither am I feeling very upset. Well, who says b'day is always a good one, and must feel happy, right? Sometimes, things just happen at the timing when you had the least caution for. Boy. Do you know that, the things you said, and you did, ain't same infront of me and behind my back? You told me you can't get over the past, but few days later you're gonna may be together with another her. I wanted to ask you. So what am I exactly to you? But I don't wish to, cos I know you definitely will give me an answer that I won't want to know. Why will I find things to hurt myself? Great joke uh, no way. I'm feeling pretty disappointed in you. That doesn't mean my feelings to you has ceased. I just wanna rant cos I don't wanna keep it in my heart. I will feel damn awful. Cry? I don't wish to, it'd been awhile since I have swollen eyes. I don't want the person to be you. I still want you to remain like how you are in my mind, temporary. However, if you rly be with her, I will wish you. I definitely know it can't be forced so I won't. Just be happy, boy. Maybe i'm better off without you. Maybe I will miss you badly when you're gone. But you wouldn't know a single shit abt it.

K la, I don't want to let these things to affect me as it's my b'day. I don't wanna ruined it. NO! I'm gonna have my beauty sleep right after I post this, and enjoy my sweet 16teen b'day later on! I'm kinda looking forward to tomorrow noon and night session.:) So ciao naw!

sexbomb.

2010-11-25T12:55:00.002+08:00

Ni hao.:)

Tsy's bbq was quite all right. And i think she's damn happy, feeling so great. After 15months of torturous days, she's finally free. Haha, if it were me, i will sure party till i rlly forget who i am temporary. Just imagine, 15months without freedom, plus required to reach home at a timing. This sucks enough. And i felt happy for her srsly. Congrats baobao, you're FINALLY FREE NOW.:)

My ass fucking hurts!): Had a fall while walking down the stairs at sist's house due to slippery floor. Im so afraid that if ive hurt my bones or what, cos i can't even sit straight with my butt sticks to the sofa. This is also ain't the first time i fall, and the same part is butt. What the fuck, damn pain. I hope it will recover quickly, i dont wanna it to spoil my b'day! "Butt butt, be good ok?" :)

And I guess, im gona miss him when he's away. I dont know why but this feeling seems so certain and strong that I will definitely miss him. Yet at the same time, worrying. I cant stop thinking about what i saw which made me effing pissed off. Girl, please do the right thing and nobody gona blame you. I asked him to buy Pooh for me, if only he will. I will love him dearly.:) Hahah im dead beat, deprived from sleep. So bed time nao! Ciao lovelies.~

fucker.

2010-11-24T07:03:00.002+08:00

yes i'm awake now, and later am going tsy's bbq. Shit, later sure damn shag one. Maybe meeting tjj ltr at Bk, cos im hungry and he wants to eat too. Haha so why not? I hope today will be very enjoyable, to make me stay awake.

I'm feeling damn fucked up by that mister E. Is it replying message sucha tough thing to do? I didn't ask him any craps, I just ask him if he's coming for my b'day. No reply at all. I had enough of these shits you know. REPLY MESSAGE ONLY, WONT MAKE ME FEEL ANY BETTER ALSO. So why can't just reply? Eccy say his phone no batt. Wtf, no batt for 2 days straight? Im so irritated srsly. I wished i didnt like you, i wished i didnt have your number, i wished you didnt appear infront of me ever again, i wished you didnt exist. Ahhh fuck you lah! You know, I know he wont come, but i didnt expect even a message he wont reply. Seems like i underestimate you.

Whatever. I WILL FUCKING ENJOY MY BDAY EVEN WITHOUT YOU.

im gona smile more than i used to.

2010-11-21T05:11:00.002+08:00

Harlow.:)

Ive got alot of things to say, and its squeezing my mind, all rushing to come out. All right, i'll start with today ok. I went shopping @ Bugis! I'm like finally, I can buy clothes i want. Actually, it didnt rlly turn out well. Cos I walked ard for abt 1hour or so, still empty handed. Plus empty stomach too. What the fuck right. Hahaha thanks sist for walking ard with me.:) In the end, bought 1 short and 3 tops. Quite satisfied, however it can be better if I have enough cash.): I will shop at CottonOn, cos thats the place I like to shop. But without a budget of $50, i wont step in. Lol.

I'm so looking forward to my bday, its coming in 8 days! Although i know he may not come, which is like 80% or so. Give me at least 20% faith ok? Not very demanding yea. In my sixteen years of life, i wish this is a special one with his appearance. It seems hard cos he's working, even if he's not, he also wont come. Okay forget it, enough of him. He come or not, I will still enjoy my bday.:) I wont let him affect my mood like last year, so mood spoiling. Okay talk abt something happy. 24th nov, will be baobao's bbq. Hahaha finally free girl. I bet she's fucking happy. Hence im going, but not sure staying over anot. I hope it will be a happening day on the 29th.... Ciao.

tian tian xiang ni, tian tian wen zi ji.~

i wish ure mine.

2010-11-16T05:57:00.006+08:00

Sup. It's morning and i'm here.:)

-
The feeling still lingers on my lips, as if time had stopped at that moment. But I know its not. Its just that its the first time and the last, so is hard for it to vanish in my mind. I just wanna say, I may not have the prettiest face or the face you are looking for. I may not have the figure that men search for. I may not have a good character, or personality. I may be a bad girl to you. Maybe I smokes that makes you feel a distance away from me. But, I have a heart that has you in it. I never expect that you gona fall back for me, or you must accept my love. Never. I just hope for a little better treatment. Well, now is better, I felt glad. As time goes by, will it still be the same? Time is the cure for wound to heal. At the same time, its also an obstacle. If relationships aren't handled properly, it will drift easily. Be it bgr or normal friendship. I know no one gonna stay the same forever, but I hope you wont change till very absurd. I just like you. But i will love you if you want me to. If you want me to stop, i will. But i will love you from afar. Im sry, but dont doubt my love cos its just you. Dont felt that this is mushy. To me it is yes. But love cannot be thin skin. I heard someone say this before: "If you don't take out all your strength and mights to try, you'll never know the outcome. You'll never know if theres chance. But if you at least try, the chance of sucessing is 50-50." To me this is rather meaningful cos it sounds true srsly.

All right, some bday plans I can think of till now. Kbox, singing session. -> dinner -> maybe sheesha -> someone's crib sleep over. Im planning to sing at Ksuite, but its going to be expensive. So preferably kbox. And i'm also thinking of who to call and who not to call. So if I ring you up or text you, please come if you're free. If I didnt, means you're not invited. To avoid clashes and some purposes, I have to do this. The final plan i will confirm with you people again yea. Okay finally, bedtime naoz!

Its hard for me to say im giving up on you.

Pleasure.

2010-11-14T05:17:00.003+08:00

Hi. Ytd is a sat, and I enjoyed my sat!:) Like finally I could enjoy my sat and had a Kb cliques outing. Despite not everyone turn up due to some reasons, however we still enjoyed ourselves. Names are, Eddy, Edwin, Yonglee, Guizhang, Jiehui. Supposingly going to ecp, in the end we went to Bugis. Thanks to Edwin the great. Walked ard, Eddy bought a ear stud, Gz bought pants and clothes. Shopping spree uh guys? Hahaha. 8plus, they had dinner at QQ Noodles house. Reaching 9, we bus back to Kb.:) Ivy came when we reached Kb, and slacked all the way till 11plus, then went home with Sist and 2E. Seriously i enjoyed my sat even though im having stomach cramps. Thanks guys.:) And, it had been 1month or so since I last seen Mr.E. It's so strange, I dont feel the feeling is as strong as how it used to be. I just felt that I like him, and nothing else. Is this called feeling fade? I hope I don't. Well, just let things be natural is the best.

Till now, I still can't think of any ideas and any where to go on my bday! It's like approaching already but im still stuck. Sing? Eat? Sheesha? Swim? Club? Shopping? Omg, I srsly can't think of any constructive ideas. I mean I can't find places that can stay for long, like kill time, and can fit the amount of people coming. Holy shit. Oh ya, I told Mr.E I want a pooh at a shop located at Bugis Junction, but he didnt say anything. The pooh is drop dead cute and big! I hope i can get it from him and hug it to sleep everyday.:) I must be dreaming. Hahaha.

Ciao.

yes/no? Contradicting minds.

Frustrated.

2010-11-07T06:09:00.003+08:00

It's a Sunday morning now. Let me tell you how I spent my Sat ok? I went to slack at st george. Can't imagine my sat was spent like that. Left with a few more sats, I hope i wont waste it all.

Just had a tiff with mum. Just when I wanted to start blogging, she suddenly told me, dont let her catch that I smoked, I use my allowance to buy cigarettes. Or else i'll get if from her. Its like suddenly you know, of course I stunned. Then there goes her nagging. But I know if I never talk back, she will talk like free flow, so I asked how long you still wanna nag. Get scolded again. Fuck, damn pissed off. Its all about money that she's trying to say. I know for some people, one day allowance $10, its more than enough. But for me, its barely enough! Cos other than eat, I got other expenses. Everytime keep asking me to save money to get my own clothes and stuffs, how the hell am I going to save monet to buy my things when my allowance for one is only $10 for 2 meals?! Hey, we're talking about Singapore here, living in a materialistic place, when everything talks about money do you really fucking think one day $10 for 2 meals enough? And i'm not a small girl anymore. Preferably young, but not small. I'm fucking going to reach SIXTEEN in 22 days! Just approx 3 weeks! Sixteen is not consider small anymore! Srsly I dont understand adults. Their mindset is, we young people wont have problems, be it money matters, love matters or personal matters. Wtf! We are also human, we also fucking have some feelings with us. Argh! I just feel like getting out of this house. Some days in future, when I can afford expenses myself.

Okay that part is family problems, now is my love problems. Didnt cry for a month or so, and I feel so good. Because there aint anybody out there hurting me.:) The last time I cried so hard was last month, and I wont let myself fall down anymore. Its all about control. I totally agree with, when your heart is empty, nobody's occupying your heart, you'll feel damn carefree and relaxed. Well, its not that my heart is empty, just that ive been thinking about guys lesser. Its been a month plus since I last seen E, life still goes on like that. I also dont know why i didnt really purposely think of him, or miss him. If its in the past, I will surely use all means just to see him. Still remember the craziest thing ive did is, take train all the way to Choa Chu Kang, lot 1 just to see him. Power, I know. Hah. Okay ive typed alot, ciao now.

Btw, happy 16th b'day qianya! :D

Lonely sat.

2010-10-31T04:20:00.005+08:00

Hi world.:) Surprisingly i stayed at home for quite a long time on a Sat. I left house at 8plus. I can't believe i actually did that cos i seldom stay at home on a Sat. Lol i think its not too bad afterall cos i can save money but too bad, i spent it on ***. I'm now chatting with tjj in msn, later going to meet him at fp if he's not asleep. Hahaha guess i don't have to sleep today. But it's ok, tmrw must sleep, cos Tues got likers chalet. But am still not sure whether staying over anot. Still considering tonning anot.

And yes, ive promoted to sec4n next year. I don't know why i just felt elated for awhile, i don't really feel that happy. Maybe because ive already wasted 1 year, so even if now im promoted, i don't feel anything. Or maybe because ive already planned to quit school, but now ive promoted. What the fuck, so mixed feelings. Whatever it is, i will buck up next year.:)

Now, lets talk about Virginity.

Well, it's very straightforward that it goes straight to sex whenever people mention abt this. In singapore, there's still a number of people who can't accept non-virgin. Of course im still a virgin, but i just wanna talk about how funny, how different one can think of a this word. In this century, everybody should have been very openminded enough to accept non-virgin. To me, i don't despise non-virgin. Cos its just how different people think about sex. Some people think that, virginity is very important, whereas some people think its not. To me, virgin is extremely important. However, if its meant to lose, or you just feel like giving, so why not? Most importantly is, to give to someone you love and cherish. Even if things end up bad, at least you won't blame yourself as he's the person you love that you gave. I know, it must be weird for me to talk about this. Of course its not because of i lost my virgin, its because this word are so good to be talk about. You can understand what one's think about it.

Hahaha ciao.

"Love the one who worth it."

Ggll!

2010-10-24T03:42:00.012+08:00

Sup goodmorn, naoz counted as Sunday morn. Ytd supposingly to go Ecp with likers, but meatball and I didn't go in the end. Im sorry liker(s). Though i wanted to go ecp, cos I wanted to SCREAM OUT LOUD. But i didn't. One of these days i will, meatball yeah? Just the two of us, let's scream.:) I hope i will feel better aft screaming, srsly. All right, went to CitySquare instead. Bought LJS frenchfries as finger food, then had lunch at foodcourt. Took photos at skygarden, whampoa aftermath, to find Heartbreaker Alex, then to Tpy. 8plus, back to Bk. Slacked at playground, cos its very chilling as it seems that its going to rain. Homed at 10plus.

Tmrw im going out with my parents, i guess i won't be going to slack. I need some time to keep me away from places that memories will haunt me. I don't rlly wish to think much naoz. Ive not been feeling very awesome, lately. Ive been making myself a nuisance, ive been crying before sleep on my bed, ive been texting someone I shouldn't. Ive made myself so lowdown. I threw away my pride, my self esteem, even my principles. But I don't feel ashamed, cos there's nothing wrong liking a person. I'm just feeling so sucky that YOU told me you're speechless to me. My heart rlly broke naoz, are you happy? I don't know what can I do to get over this, it seems so easy but I find it so hard. I know its a mistake that the thing occur, maybe its just a moment of folly. But to me, its memories. I saw how sweet you two can be, and i know you both love each other a lot. You chose to hurt me, its hurtful but i will respect your decision. Cos there's nothing more I can do. Ive no idea what can I do to retreive your feelings back, im so lost. But I know, you're not with me, ANYMORE. Give me some time, I will get over you. I SWEAR I WILL.

I didn't know this can hurt so much, thanks so much for hurting me. I just want feelings to be back. :(

even if it hurts me, you won't care anymore.

2010-10-19T23:04:00.002+08:00

Hi. Recently i'm feeling very fed up, thanks to one person. I hope you'll rlly be happy with what you decided. Since you chose to hurt me and you rather protect her, well i respect your decision. Now, i fully understand whats the meaning of, sometimes letting go of someone you like may be a good thing. Maybe its just a fling, but I finds it hard to forget. Its so hard to control my finger not to text you cos I know you're no longer same as before. If you need me, im just a text away. Hope I still stand a little in your heart. Im speechless alr.

When i see your face

2010-10-17T04:15:00.002+08:00

Hi space. Finally, i'm out of exams stress. I'mma free girl now, and I don't wanna care abt the results, I just wanna enjoy as much as I can. All papers suck exclude, english mt and CPA. Though cpa 2 sucks for a little, but afterall its still do-able for me. After next week, hair colour i'm coming! I'm so sick of my half brown half black hair colour. I already know what colour i'm going to dye.:) Hope it won't be a failure...

This afternoon went Bugis with Sist. Finally, camwhored. My fb and blog is like so dead. We took neoprints, like ages ago since I last took. Well it turn out nice, and I like.:) Today was just Bugis and iluma. Reached bk at 8pm sharp, walked over to usual place and slacked cos it's standard routine.

Lately, i'm so obsessed by a person, I never expect i will have feelings for. But I hope that's just a crush. I made myself become sucha cheapo, a lowdown pussy bitch, and these few days im having hell. From the start, I shouldn't have believe your words. I should have just forget about what happened, but I couldn't. It just left such deep impression in my mind. Im sorry, I couldn't control my own mind. It just lasted for 5 days, its memories. 1 week ago, you're a sweetpie. But now, you're not my enemy, but just a pure heartbreaker to me. The hurt you caused in me is nothing compared to the previous i've got. But i'm just feeling very fucked up by your words, its full of contradictions. And i'm afraid to believe your words next time, shouldn't be any next time. You never thought of my feeling, you're so selfish. Whatever it is, life still have to go on. You're just another person to train me becomes stronger, thanks. Don't think of hurting me further, you won't get a chance. If you do, don't fucking ever take me for granted, cos i'm not.

Ciao.

im not stressed up.

2010-10-10T18:00:00.002+08:00

Sup. Its been two weeks since I just updated. Well, it's not that I can't use comp, is that I don't feel like using. I've been just using friend's iphone to log in my fb and check out awhile, nothing else. So today, I feel that I cannot neglect this space. It'd been with me for ard 1years plus, it recorded all my unhappiness, frustations and happiness. So yeah, here it goes.

School had been alright, maybe because of EOY. It had started since Thurs, all the way until next friday. I hope english will pass so that I can promote. Even though I can't, it's okay. I've alr think abt what im going to do if im so going to retain again. Tmr is Maths 1 and social studies, I can only pin hopes on SS I guess. Maths is alr gonecase. No time for studies as I don't wish to let it suffocate me, I will do what I like to do.

Im going out now, char waited for me for quite long alr yeah? Lol so ciao now.:)

Does my promise still matters you now?

happy bday mister e.

2010-09-26T03:46:00.002+08:00

Happy birthday, EddyChng.:) hope you'll eat all the 16 lil cookies.(inserts heart.)

Hi. I had a great day today @ Kbox, Cine. With the accompany of, Eddy, the male lead, Edwin, Guizhang, Bean, Xiongjie, Yilong, 2 Jonathan and Yonglee. Yeah no doubts, Eddy actually wanna go sing. Hahaha was quite startled that he wanted to sing, but he's bday so go along with his requirement. Me xj and yilong were the earliest, the rest were all late. End up, late for k session too. The bday boy sign for bday package, provided room decorations and one bday cake. I think, he love today, and enjoyed today. Well, seeing him happy, im happy too.:) K session end at 7plus, headed to CityHall, Funan mall. Rabpig met us up at there. Walked ard for razor mouse, didn't buy in the end. Had dinner at FoodJunction, im starved man, finally ate at 9plus! Im so proud of myself cos I can go without foods for so long. Lol. Walked to take bus at ard fort canning park to Parklane, intend to play pool, due to age, we went to Fushion to play instead. No, to be exact, only the guys. Had laughters at Fushion, all the guys are jokers of the day. (Y) Pool session end at ard close to 12. Officially eddy's bday! But they nidda go home, so all went separate ways, while i left with xj. Walked home from pp mrt station, wth exercise again. Its ok though. Thanks for making my day, mister E. You ruined it somehow aft that but its ok, im used to it.

I think creating facebook is a wrong for me. I shouldn't have done so. So that i don't have to log in to see people's page, and everytime made myself upset even for the littlest thing. I find myself so petty, but that isn't i want either. Just that, i always went jealous over littlest thing with the people i care, especially that someone. Why some people can appreciate what one did for him/her, but some people just simply can't? Don't understand, and i don't wish to.

Perhaps, im bad, im worse than any girl in your mind, im fat, im ugly, imma smoker, im not a good girl, im rough, im impolite, im not good in expressing my love, im thick skinned, im irritating. These are my weak point. But self claim, im true to you, im waiting for you all these while, ive never changed my feelings even if i thought of but i didn't, even if you hurt me i'll get it over few days ltr. All these point, you don't even bother to see it, feel it, nor just to even thought of it. Lol im so weird, waited for a ice mountain for so long. Im so so fucking strong, ain't you think so? Thanks for training me to be strong. Even if your ultimate choice is not me, i still hope to see your wide smile bright up on your face everyday.:) BUT I HOPE ITS ME. HAHAHAH. Good luck for your N's dear boy.:) Ciao.

contradicting minds.

2010-09-22T08:43:00.003+08:00

Hi. Im having cpa lesson naowz. First of all, i wanna wish KenGuiChinPherng, happy sweet 16th bdayyyyyyyyy! :> Hope you'll enjoy the bash today, hahaha. Alright, im not feeling very fine now. Thanks to mister E, your words, fucking words. Fuck you hard please. Ciao.

im so in love with mr E.

2010-09-19T04:02:00.004+08:00

IvyAndo!
Happy 5th months bbyg.:)

Sup, its Sunday morning now. My weekends gonna end so soon, and im going to wait for the coming weekends again. Just two days for my beauty sleep is srsly not enough. Okay, lemme talk abt today, girls lunch and kb cliques slacking=great.:)

Met up with Char and Bbyg at ard 4plus, headed to have lunch cum dinner @ JustAcia. This time round, i'd deep fried chicken rice. I ate alot today man, especially ice cream. Shit, going to skip dinner again. After lcd, took bus to Kb, slack. First of all, market, fitness corner, then somewhere near river. Played with fireworks, when its near 11 we played block catching. Thumbs up.:) despite i ran alot, perspire like shit, afterall its the process i enjoyed. Homed at ard 11plus.

Just parted from you for like only 5 hours plus, i'm starting to miss you. Gosh, what is this? I don't like this. Missing a person, but can't get to see him. I've prepared for the worst alr, aft your N's. Even if you reject me again, you think i got the sad feeling? Yes for awhile, but after awhile i'll be fine. It makes no different cos all the hurt i get, all the hard feelings you gave me, made me numb for a little alr. Just that, i don't know whether my heart wanna continues waiting, or stop waiting. Its contradicting itself, every once in awhile when you hurt me in some ways. Mister E, what exactly do you want? And i don't stalk you, i am just keep tabs on you.:)

Just a reminder. Coming up b'days in 2 mths:(only those i remember.)

Xiongjie-21 sept.
Ken-22 sept.
EddyChng-26 sept.
Le En-10 Oct.
Mummy-15 Oct.
Huijun-20 Oct.
Cherting-30 Oct.
Qianya-7 Oct.
Vivian-8 Oct.
Mine-29Nov!

My first paper for EOY starts on 7th Oct, i hope i can pass english so i can promote smoothly to sec4n if not that's the end of my studies. Hope this won't happen. Lol ciao.

its almost that feeling that we'd before.

2010-09-12T02:45:00.006+08:00

Sup. My finger brings me here after my leg brought me walking ard PlazaSing for the whole aftnoon and evening. Despite my legs felt tired, i'm contented that I spent my Sat with my dearly cliques.:)

Had JustAcia for lunch, it was like so suck. Cos I detest mayo, i seriously detest it. I told the waitress, I want a dory fish rice without mayo, she say okay sure. When I ate till halfway through, I found out that it has got mayo in it! Gosh. At that time i really feel like vomit everyth out. But sist say just eat it, so okay I just finish some of the rice, and all the fish. I swear i'll never eat that again. I had 4 bowls of miso soup! Heavenly, love it.:) Char and Jon came, they are and we went walking ard. 7plus, Koksoon and Yonglee came, we met at carpark. Awhile later, Chng bros came too. Next to Kopitiam as the guys wanna eat. Unfortunately, something happened at there, and all of us went to Parklane for their dinner. Lan aft dinner, homed aft lan.

I'm glad that, mister E and I had at least 8 items in inbox today. I'm also feeling happy that i'd one photo of him dozing off in class, and two video of him doing stunt when being punished. All these are just memories, to me, they are very important. Yeah alright, after N's then we shall talk it over. Y'know what, i'm so afraid of knowing the outcome though I can already roughly guess what it would be. It's pretty disheartening, but I will never give up, cos i'm strong no matter what. The only thing i'm certain abt is, if you want me to let you go, so that you can be with the particular her, it will be very very hard for me. It will not be as easy as the previous. The only suitable sentence to describe how i'm feeling is, I really love you and I don't know what else can I do, just to see you happy, showing your tiger tooth its enough for now. AND THE BITCH BETTER STAY AWAY FROM YOU. I WILL EXPLODE ANYTIME IF SHE EVER FLIRTS YOU AGAIN, I SWEAR. COS I FUCKING HATE HER BIRD FACE, AND HER FLIRTY ACTIONS. That's all.

By the way, i'd created another tumblr account. This acc, is only a site for me to update abt me and mister E, or just me, or just mister E. So yea, i hope this will part of memories.:) Ciao.

Why do human have feelings? So that we won't go round hurting people.

If y'know how impt you are to me, you won't hurt me.

2010-09-06T02:59:00.002+08:00

Sep hols is here! Great, even if it just going to last for one week. At least, take a break away from school, and enjoy to the maximum. But poor sec4s, still need to go back school for papers. Feel so heartache for E, cos he'd been mugging so hard for N's. I seriously hope he will get the result he want, if not he's going to feel very disappointed. I don't wanna see him that way, so God please bless him. He gotta do well.:)

Its been exactly 2 weeks. Time really flies, and its my cure too. Now, I don't really brood over things that concerns him. This time, I take things damn easy except for the first few days. Becos the feeling just suck initially, but gradually I don't really make myself upset over him. Cos I must remember, its not worth it! Yeah that's the way. And I guess, old love is still the best. Cos I just wanna focus on E now. He's just so, omg I don't know how to say. But I just can't resist from him. Alright now my wound had been heal, I walked out of the sad path, and i'm heading to another sucess.

This matter got me thinking, in life, there's alot of unpredictable things. Often, when we are certain of something, you'll just screwed it up somehow in the end. Whereas in love, there's so many definitions. People say, love has no definition. But I say, love is give and take, forgive and forget. Time cannot be measured, love too. In love, there's selfishness, blindness, happiness, jealousy, tears, bitterness, and alot more. However, just remember this. When you're in love, it concern of two person. You and your significant one. Whatever you do, it concern two person too. When sadness pours to you, the other significant one felt it too. When happiness strikes you, the other one will feel it too. Its just two person thing in love. That's the reason, I lose, and i'll never get back.

Its raining, just like my heart pours.

2010-09-05T04:14:00.002+08:00

Hello.:) Its raining mouse and cats outside now. Well finally, it rains. Cos the weather lately is damn fucking hot, totally bth. At least, its much cooler now. Bro text me just now, around 1hr ago. Its so coincidental that I just went into his fb page, and he text me. Something happened, yes. The least I can do is just accompany him to text, nothing else, cos i've no status and rights to do so. Okay, let me talk abt today, some enjoyment that I had today.:)

Meatball came my house this aftnoon after she trim her bangs at my house downstair, then we headed to Plaza Sing. I fucking ate alot today! Omfg. That's so absurd man. I ate curry chicken with nacho cheese dip, ljs 2 piece chicken meal, yoshinoya salmon rice, 1 bowl of miso soup, and when I reached home I ate maggie with luncheon meat. LOL. I know that's really alot, I also know that people wanna call me fat pig again but today's appetite was good.:) Hahaha. Meatball pierced helix and 3rd hole, Char pierced helix too. Whereas me, pierced in between my two ear bone. Okay the feeling's coming back. The mother fucking sucks feeling healing process. But that's alright, i'm left with two holes to full house ear piercings.:) I guess I won't pierce that fast anymore. Headed to Iluma aftmath, to find Tsy and co, Chua and co. Such big gang, great. Fushion for pool session with Chua Bern and co. Separated after that with sist and Char, to Pp. Waited for Edwin at mrt, wth don't know for what reasons he gave attitude. Now, I understand, when a guy moodswing, its worse than girls. Char and I went to spider web, Eddy and co joined to slack awhile, and I went home with the accompany of Xj. Afterall, I enjoyed today. Just that my ear starting to hurts now! F. Its okay, i'll take very good care of it. Tongue piercing shall wait, cos i'm having second thoughts now. Worried plus scared, and heard alot of negative things abt that. Simply make my confidence disappear and make my worries increase. Lol.

By the way, good luck to all my sec4 friends who are sitting for their N's and O's exam, and the prelims next week! Hope you guys going to mug real hard and get the result you want yeah. Esp, EddyChngZhiXiong! Better work hard.:) Remember aft N's yeah. Alright, ciao world. Bedtime for me. Hope I can dream of him. Hahaha.

Sometimes I wonder, I just wonder. Do you really love her that much? I've no idea.

Nothing else matter now.

2010-08-29T00:42:00.003+08:00

Hey sup. I'm now at home, with the accompany of a friend. Hahaha. Supposingly going to my bro's 28th bday celebration, but I gave it a miss. Thinking that I should stay at home to use comp, instead of going. Becos, I don't sing with my family, that's weird. Lol.

Today, went to Plaza Sing with Rabpig to eat my delicious meesua and chicken. After lunch, went to CottonOn. Oh man, i'm so gonna save money, cos I want the clothes in there! New arrivals spells great.:) But, guess I need to save for very long cos it's quite a big sum of money. Plus, almost everyday I need to buy ***. Its okay, I can always seek help from my mum.:) Went to find Xueting and co at around pc bunk, walked around, went Kb at 8plus. EddyChng was funny today! Unlike his ownself, which makes my day somehow. Thanks ah, boy. Home with Chng brothers at 1030.

Well, now you're together with her, hope you'll last long and not gonna hurt her. Even though I felt that its so unfair, but in love, there's no such things. You happy can alr. I can't do anything either. I will stop all my emo words in this space.

& buddy! I don't know what's wrong again, but i'm not gonna care much alr. If you want, then text me if not, forget it. So effing sick of these.

Ciao.

Bad bad bud bud.

2010-08-25T15:36:00.002+08:00

Sup. I gave school a miss today again, cos i'm tired so I slept. And my mum goes nagging again. I'm alr very fucked up by school system. So I give parent letters, its either they accept it or I go for detention class. That's alright. I mean, what's the use of detention class and doing reflection? I understand that every schools have their own rules to follow, and detention is a need. Discipline is a must. But if doing detention and reflection will wake up student's mind, why are there still people in the room? Pretty hilarious and no link. Whatever, i'm finding right time to tell my mum that I intend to quit school this year. No matter I can promote or what, I don't feel like staying in that school, facing lj teachers, and rules. I know studies are important, but now, I totally have no interest in studying. Yet, I have no regrets coming to this school, as I got to know a bunch of great friends.

Its been 6 days. I'm feeling better each day, as long as I don't see you and her. Yes, I shouldn't have avoid, however, I don't want to make myself upset for no reason. Waste my energy. I'm not gonna cry anymore. Made me feel useless only. Hey boy, you're out of my life now.

Finally.

2010-08-23T01:24:00.002+08:00

Time check is 0125. School tmrw at 0730, and i'm still awake right now, despite sleeping for only 3hours plus ytd. Now, my mind was very messy. I've got alot of things stucked on my mind, and they can't wait to explode. I'm mentally tired, srsly. Things just went wrong at the wrong timing. On a lighter note, I still got my girls, sist and buddy as my strength.

I told myself, I shouldn't be doing all these, saying all these right now. Its uncalled for. If I can choose to be happy, why not? I'm stupid enough to think of hurting everyone around me, esp guys. Pretty disappointed with myself. How can I have such mindset? I tasted the feeling of being hurt, I shouldn't go round hurting people. As it won't make me happier too. I should just learn to accept the facts, forgive all the mistakes, forget all the memories, and carry on. It all takes time cos i'm not made of steel, I can't possibly forget such things that fast. Often, I thought that if I can be someone who's real flirt and fickle minded. So that I won't be hurt. Someone whose heart can have alot of people. Such a pity, I can't. My heart can only have 1 person. I can be unfaithful, but I won't be a heartbreaker.

Afterall, I tried so hard to win his heart I failed. The love you want I can't give, the love I want you can't give too. So well, let's forget abt all the unhappy things. We'll be back to friends again, real good friends. I can only call you, bro, now. No matter how heart aching its going to be, i'll survive.

FML.

2010-08-22T12:11:00.004+08:00

Hi. I'm blogging only now its because internet encountered some problems ytd night, so I can't use. Went town ytd with Kb cliques, yeah it was great, definitely. They brought fun to me, which allows me to temporary forget my sorrows. I've so many things to say. I guess this is the only space, I can write unlimitedly. * First time ever, I used fml, srsly just fuck it upside down.*

From friday till now, I hadn't really been into good mood. Everything was still fine when i'm with buddy, talking and stuffz, till I received a text from him. From the very beginning, the very first text he sent to me, he said sorry. Well, seriously sorry don't cure. Hurt will still remains. And, i'm the one who's going to suffer all these, not you.

Maybe, my attitude sucks hardcore. Maybe, i'm not that innocent that you wanted. Maybe, I didn't do well enough to convince you with my heart. Maybe, everything's just too late. But my love to you is never fake. No doubts, your words are contradicting enough. However, I don't expect much from you too. Cos I know, mostly guys are not trustworthy. You told me, you were being too hurt, and you won't trust girls that easily anymore. Now you're telling me, you fall for another girl. Before that I asked you, you say no one. This is fucking hurtful. But I won't force you to come back cos I know it's useless and you won't.

Truth is, you don't belongs to me. Time proven everything. If you belongs to me, it alr happen long ago. I should just accept and forget. I didn't cry for a period of time, thanks for letting me cry it all out. Yes, ALL. I felt so much better, next day with swollen eyes. The memories will stay, cos it only belongs to both of us. But will you take the pain away? No. Time will eventually fades off everyth, I hope.

She's a lucky girl, she's pretty, she's innocent, hope you won't hurt her like how you hurt me. Allow me to be the last one for you to hurt. Cos I loved you once, I wanna see you happy. Boy, you don't have to feel guilty or wait till i'm better then you get on with her. I know you needs time to know her more before stepping into a serious r/s. But time won't wait for you. Once you lose it, its forever. So now i'm gone from your world, I won't step into it anymore. I'll give you peace, and at last i'm letting myself to have peace too. I'm just a text away, you still can text me regarding anyth, if you trust me. If you don't, i've got nthg to say either. Normal talking and stuff, for now is impossible. I've yet to sort out my thinkings and my feelings well.

I've got alot of questions to ask you. After having second thoughts, I think it through. Its really no point to keep brooding over so much. I'mma strong girl, I told myself. This is just like an accident, everything happen so fast. I didn't even get mentally prepared, it alr happened. Perhaps you were right. Don't prolong the pain as i'll be even more upset if you told me later. Its a matter of time whether to get hurt now or later, but it definitely will hurt. I've been thru all these for numerous time alr, still feeling hurt, but I won't use whatever methods to make you mine. Cos, you don't belong to me. I kept repeating this to myself. Its nobody's fault, remember. If one day, I talked to you, its the day I let you go. Forget abt the promise you made, abt spending the remaining days you left in this school. Let her be the one with you. Even if how much i'm afraid to lose you, how much I hate this feeling of losing someone I love, I will let go.

Just give me time, i'll forget you, promise.

Suffocating.

2010-08-15T04:41:00.002+08:00

Sup. My comp had just reformat from 37bits to 64bits. More advanced, like, internet won't be so lag and e.g. But everything from my folder were gone. It's okay, cos there aren't many things in there. Sogou was giving my hack problems! I wanted to download songs, when I click, it says, don't know for what china disasters, the web was closed for 1 day. Wtf! So many days but Sat. Power. Come, let me talk abt today then.

This afternoon, met up with my girls, then went over to City Square. Had my lunch at LJS, like finally! Then took photos, walked around, Char went back Bk, while Rabpig and me went Whampoa. Actually there's nothing much to talk abt today, just slacking, like always.

Buddy didn't reply me, guess he's asleep or what. BoyB was at lan I guess, but didn't text him. My phone was totally silent. Tmrw? I don't know where i'm going. Most probably, sleep till I happy first. I'm so dread of going to school everyday this week. So cock. But due to common test, I got to go. Next week? Shall see then. I'm shag alr, ciao now.

Wrong/Right.

2010-08-09T02:34:00.002+08:00

Hi. Met up with Su at Kb today, went over to Plaza Sing to get my stuffz at CottonOn. I bought 2 crop tee and 1 cardi. Left there and headed to Whampoa to find Alex and co. Homed at 10plus.

Guess today was screwed. I don't know if anything went wrong, but I hope it wasn't. Perhaps this is the way to end it fast and better. As time goes by, I suppose i'll be used to without your text and accompany. That's buddy.

I'm currently listening to live fm on the net. I'm feeling effing hungry, but i'mma lazy to cook. I just had meesua in the evening till now. Well, treat it as diet. Tomorrow? I'm still not very sure abt what's going to happen, but I guess I won't be at home. Just had a quarrel with my parents. Its the same old thing again and like everytime. Which is, money and comparison. I was damn fucked up by them. I, don't have a job in fact I can't even find one now. Age problems, school problems. Where the hell I find a job? Save money? How to? Money come from you all, since you don't give me money how am I going to fucking save it? Thinking $10 can settle one day, you're wrong. Outside foods aren't as cheap as you think! I'm like wasting my breathe to defend myself, and talking back to them like they always think. If I can, I would defintely leave this house. Its enough from controlling and i'm fed up with this can't do that can't do. Whatever.

CIAO.

Mixed feelings.

2010-08-08T15:10:00.004+08:00

Hi. It's been two weeks since I last updated. Well, last week was a little lazy to update that's why. So this week, its a must for me to post alr. School stuffs was still alright. Having long weekends now, friday to next wed. Spells great.:) After school routine was slack, usual place now, Whampoa. I guess, will stay there for a period of time.

Later meeting my Sunehneh. Going Ps cotton on to shop for my stuffz! It's like finally, my mum passed me money ystd. Hahaha, guess we got alot of catching up to do.:) After that should be heading to Tpy as she wanna buy screen protector. I don't know where i'm going aft meeting her, shall see if any people contacts me.:)

Shall update again when i'm back tonight, hopefully with pics.:) Ciao!

Listen to me, will you?

2010-07-25T20:42:00.002+08:00

Hi. Didn't get to blog ystd cos I only reached home @ 4plus in the morning, I bathed, and head straight to my bed. This aftnoon I woke up, my stomach cramps like nabei, fucking pain. I cannot take it already, so I popped a tablet to ease the pain. All right, let me talk abt ystd.

Supposingly to watch movie with Kb cliques, but alot of them couldn't make it. So well, it was cancelled. So met up with Andy and co @ Bugis. Ate, and walked over to Fushion for their pool session. It was too boring to stay there, so Jiehui and I went to find Junyong and co @ Junction. Walked around, then went to arcade, as Liling wanna play guitar and bball. After arcade, walked to Fu Lu Shou complex. Slack at a place. WALKED back to bk @ ten plus. It's really walk ok. Distance still quite okay, just that my leg hurts now. When we reached Bk, it's already 10.50. Jiehui left from Bk mrt, and I walked to Whampoa with Junyong and co. Homed at 4plus.

Perhaps, it's becos of my menses cramp, my mood really swings like fuck. I realize it however I can't stop it. I'm really feeling very fucked up now, out of a sudden. Feel like smashing the keybaord y'know. Tmr still got school, like wtf. Maybe you feel irritated by my message, but I really don't understand why everytime aft that happen, you'll turns cold. Fuck, I would rather it not to happen! My mood was horrible now, and i'm gonna eat now. I off my phone, I don't want to let my phone on without receiving your messages. I don't wanna wait. Ciao.

For once, I felt so relieved.

2010-07-18T02:32:00.006+08:00

Baobao.:)Rabpig!Kisses.:)The only sotong whom exist without 8legs is my dear girl.:)

Check out my new rose ring! Hahaha, not clear though.

Heyheyhey! It's a Sat night now, I had spent my day to the fullest despite the sudden flu kill a little of my mood. Cos it fucking made my nose like a running tap out of sudden, that's so sucky! Forget it man. Let me talk about today.:)

I met up with Xueting and Rabpig @ Bk mrt at ard 12.30pm, went to have lunch next.Yeeting and her sist came. After lunch, went to our secret place, slacked all the way till Char came, went to mac find Baobao, Jingwen and co. Last minute decision not movie-ing with the Jingwen and co, sorry girls. Jacsy plus Yeeling went to Ps Cotton On aftermath. Went crazy over there, and I am seriously craving for the chio heels and top! How I wish I've enough cash now please, I can shop whatever I like. Now, I just gotta wait for my mum's pay day which next month. :( After their movie, they joined us. Had their dinner @ foodcourt, parted from them at there cos Jac were going Kb. Slacked @ block 93, waited for Ivy. So sweet of her to buy chips and cola for us! Hahaha. Police check after that, chua sai. Fortunately its just normal police screening. Went home to change @ 9plus with Sist.

This week was rather tiring for me. Despite all lessons were quite slacky, like just finish one work or two can rest. However, i'm depriving from lack of sleep, really. I don't understand why too. Period doesn't seems to be approaching. Next week cross country i'll definitely give it a miss. Court day I shall see I guess. Cos of the mc and letters matters. Don't even know why school wanna set this kind of rule that, 1 semester which is ard 6mths only allow THREE letters. So what the fuck please. Even if its so, somethings like confidential things, we don't wanna say, school also ll, isn't? Lol crap. I'm so gonna save money the coming week. I wanna get my things asap after second thoughts. Oh ya, like finally, tomorrow i'm meeting Sunehneh! We're so gonna catch up man. It's been like 1year or so since I last went out with her. Feeling guilty that I neglected her all these while. BUT, I know she won't mind. Right nehneh? Hahaha. All right, ciao now. :)

Defying reality.

2010-07-11T03:23:00.006+08:00

Hi world. I'm feeling kinda shag, puzzled, worried, and a lil bit of happiness.

Ytd midnight, this house was chaos again. I believe whatever you've said was out of impulse, I believe you know it was hurtful words yet you still said cos it's your heartfelt words. However, you'd already hurt Mum's feeling. It's sorrowful for me to see how those words came out from your mouth yet I can't do anything to end it and it last for almost 2 hours. It pains me to see Mum swallowing back her tears into her stomach, cos those words it's as if taking a knife and stabbed straight into her heart. No words could express her feelings back then, but just one word, Hurt. If only I can stuff something into her mouth to stop her from continuing, if only I can just let her sleep as she was already half drunk and was not mentally clear. One sentence strucks me, after drinking alcohol, you'll be speaking the truth. Pretty true, and I guess that's what she wanted to all along. I srsly hope this gonna be the last time, cos I won't wanna see Mum upset again. She did not brought us up for nothing, but with her care and love filled fully. Though sometimes naggy and irritating but still, she bore us out in labour of pains. Alot of things had actually happened in this family recently. Perhaps, it's just not a good year for everyone of us. But guess what, we're just gonna be fine, and get thru this altogether. Coz when heaven closer a door, it'll also open another door for you. There won't be no exit. I believe in that thou i'm not Christian. No harm believing.

Today was just another day of slacking with friends. Fp -> Bk -> Whampoa -> Iluma Ksuites-> Home. The bunch of jokers made my day though, thanks.:) Namely, tris, sweetheart, alex, junyong. My mum told me, friends will only lead you in trouble. I freaking deny it, and defend for myself and friends. I told her, other than family, i've only got friends. Friends is the strongest pillar after family. I don't need alot of true friend, just 1 or a few is enough. But love is never enough. You will lose and gain it, you must also cherish it when you get the hang of it.

All of you, please be fine on the 23rd. It's just out of impulse, yes. But in the eyes of laws, impulse don't exist. No matter what, everybody is there for all of you.

Enough of typing, ciao.

I'm so gonna follow what my heart wants.

I fall hard this time round.

2010-07-04T02:43:00.002+08:00

Hi world. This week were rather slack for me, especially during school hours. Cos of the elective module saved me. However, it only last for a week, and next week, school life for me gonna be back to normal. Well, I guess I really nidda study now as CA2 is coming up, and it's very important to me for promotion to sec4N. I don't wanna retain again nor I wanna stay at 3NS, I wanna get the hell out of the class if only my results was acceptable for the school expectations. Well, i'll just take one step at a time and see how it goes.

Today was a Sat, just that it past 12. I looked forward to every Sat as it allows me to enjoy with friends which school days don't. So ya, meet up with Sist @ Kovan, had lunch at Heartland mall Qiji. After lunch, walked around, and to NewFuture. In the end, me and sist booked 2 three-quater pants. Should be gettin it by next Tuesday. Bused to Bk aftermath. Slacked at shelter with lots of people from different co. Played daidee like as usual. Trained to Buangkok with Edwin, Char and Jim. Supposingly to send Edwin home, but me and Char stayed till 12plus, cabbed home. Thanks for the ride char.:)

The very first thing I do every Sat I switch on comp is log in to Facebook. There's this particular profile i'll always view first, and it's a must. To keep tab of everything. Came to think of it, why should I invite trouble? It's so uncalled for. Whatever it shall be. I gotta remember that, I've no right to interfere your stuffs. I just wanna fill you with my care. Though everytime you broke it, I will be angry for awhile, time passed I will be fine. Yeah, I really hope I will be fine.

Have you ever cry yourself to sleep? Have you ever tasted the feeling of losing someone dear to you? Have you ever feel the way i'm feeling? Have you ever had swollen eyes the next day you wake up? Have you ever waited for a reply that seems forever unreplied? Have you ever missed someone you love the worst is you couldn't see him? Have you ever drink your sorrows away, and vomitted like you never before? Have you ever feel so jealous yet you couldn't tell him anything? Came to think of this, after much experience of it, all these shity feelings were actually crap. Feeling the way when the other party don't, crying for someone don't worth your tears. Sucha a fool. I won't wanna feel that way anymore. People will be happier if she's willing to look things at another angle. Deceiving enough, however make your mind ease.

How I wish I could taste that again....

Ciao.

Some thing so genuine.

2010-06-27T02:56:00.002+08:00

Sup all.:) Are you feeling dread of going to school? Yes I am! School's starting on Monday. How I wish, june hols could extend cos of some reasons but too bad, nobody can stop hols from ending. I'm so gonna be good girl, sleep early, wake up on time, put on uniform, school shoes, school bag, and off to school. Typical school girl. I reckon, the first day will be a tiring day for me cos it's a long day as there's afternoon assembly. -.- I want hols to last. >:( Forget it, shall not preaching much on this.

I didn't really spend this last week of hols well. I spent it on slacking, and still slacking. Last few days, some thing happened. Don't wish to elaborate, I only know that, my head still hurts but not very. That asshole still can laugh at there, as if nothing happened. Nevermind, it gonna leave a deep impression on my mind. Oh ya, I cut back bangs yesterday with Sist. I guess this will be the last time I cut bangs till I feel I wanna cut again.

My mind's in a whirl now. I feel so puzzled yet I don't feel like bothering anymore. The more I say I don't wish to care, the more I can't. I just can't figure out what you actually want. Sua, just enjoy my life now. Ciao world.

Teoheng.:)

2010-06-20T01:17:00.005+08:00

First of all, before I started anything, I wanna wish all fathers, especially my old bean, Happy Father's Day! It's a day when father take rest, and bring the whole family out for a meal. Perhaps not very scrumptious, in fact even if it's just a simple meal, it's also heartwarming enough.:) So yeah, tomorrow my old bean gonna do that. Though sometimes he's really damn fucked up, I was sot by him, afterall came to think of that, he's still my father. I'mma good girl.:)

Let me talk about 17th June first. Went teoheng to sing with Jacsy, with the accompany of Clifford and Shanren. I'm sorry to say that I was the one who's holding on to the mike most of the time, haha. But once I sing, I can't stop. Can't help lah, lol. Sang till 7pm sharp, the people in charge off the system. Damn punctual ok, wanna sing one more song also can't. Wth, it's like just gonna exceed abit of the time. Nevermind. Bused back to Bk, slacked till 9plus, bused to Tpy find my mum.:)

Today, was a Sat again. I can't say it's a fun Sat, neither I can say it's a boring Sat. Today's routine was: Pp->Dhoby Ghaut->Clarke Quay->DhobyGhaut->Chao Chu Kang->Bk. Had lunch @ Plaza Sing, walked around, trained to Clarke Quay. Supposingly to take photos, end up buying a drink then trained back to Dhoby, and trained all the way to Cck. Damn fucking far I swear! 18 stops, power. Sat in the suffocating train for like, 40mins or so. Just to see Yiliqiao cos he working there, pasar malam, haha. It's okay, I don't mind. Lol thanks meatball for accompanying me throughout today.:) Reached Cck, went to find him. He's working at a game booth. Heh, i say, cheat small kid's money, he laughed. But i'm just saying it for fun lah, not really wanna make fun of him. Then walked to Lot 1, as it's just beside pasar malam. 7plus, took bus back to Bk. 39stops, even powerful. But the duration of the journey was only 45mins, faster than train I guess. Somemore, I prefer taking long bus trip than train trip, same as sist. Reached Bk, find Char pigpig and co slacked all the way till 10plus, went home. Before I went home, char Vivian and me did something real stupid. LOL, and I swear I won't wanna be PI in the future. Pretty tiring. Haha, today was shiok to disturb Weihuang. Ong eh ong eh ong eh! :)

Sucha pity that this June hols I didn't manage to ton. Cos didn't really have the chance to do so. Next week, is the last week of hols. Time do flies damn fast. If next week got chance, i'm so gonna ton outside.:) Once school starts, no more long hours beauty sleep, no more late nights tv-ing. The weekends will be the one i'm going to look forward every week.:) Alright, i'm so gonna eat my HagenDanz ice cream! Moi mummy bought for me!:) Each one a tub, how nice. Hah. And tmrw, gonna go eat again cos Father's day. Well, gonna increase fats again but that's alright man! Will try to lose next week..... hope so. Lol. Ciao now!

Csm, Cathay.

2010-06-13T01:28:00.006+08:00

Photos taken on 11th June @ Cathay.(Above)

Photos taken on 10th June @ Csm.(Below)

Sup! Today is a Sat, just that it'd past 12 now. Before I talk about today, let me talk about Thurs and Friday. Two days was spent with Sist before slacking.:)

Thursday, meet up with her then both of us trained to Dhoby, and walked to Cathay. Ate lunch at Aston, great man. Finally, I could stop my craving for their black pepper chicken. Haha. After lunch, we took some photos. That's a must! Supposingly, we were going to walk over to Parklane and bus back to Bk, but when we were walking out of Cathay, there's a man giving out fliers. Stupid sist didn't take, so no harm, I took it. Luckily I took it please. Lol, it's a free neoprint session. I know it's abit cheapskate lah, but s'poreans were all like that, no exception me too. Heh, then went to take free neoprints. Which helped us kill 1hour. Walked to Parklane after that, walked past the pub, we went in. Lol all very random, we just walk past and went in. Drank cola, sang abit, talked abit, then bused back to Bk. Slacked as usual. As a conclusion, it's fun.:) Yeah sist? Hah.

Friday, meet up with Sist again. Supposingly going Vivo, but last min decision to CitySquare. Cos, I'd endless cravings for foods! Lol, this time it's LJS fries. Oh man, it's so nice.:) After ljs lunch, walked around, took photos too. Then trained back to Bk, slacked as usual like everyday's routine. 8plus, Eddy and cliques came. Yay, i'm happy cos it's Kb cliques gathering. Haha, but awhile only. 9plus, they went to Kb, left Edwin and Char at Bk. Played poker, and left @ 11plus. Chua wanted to drink red wine, but I gave it a miss.:)

Today! Me, slept till 6plus, spells shiok. Cos I know, today I gonna use comp till morning, so I nidda sleep longer. Hah. Went Bk @ 7plus, meet Char Edwin Guizhang Eddy at Bdm, then walked to usual slacking place. After huhu, went to eat Kfc. My ole ole meal. Lol. After eating, walked back, and meet up with the rest of the cliques. Went pooling session at Civil service club with Gavin Char Edwin Guizhang Yonglee Eddy. That's the funniest pooling session! With all the jokers around. They made my day.:) Especially Gz Edwin, and of course, Eddy.:D Haha, played till close to 11pm, walked back to mrt, trained home straight. Though it's a short day, but I still love it. Cos with him around, even if it's 5mins, that's enough. Of course, longer it's better. Heh.

Upcoming:

14th June, Yeeting's house to help Char and Pigpig dye hair. I reckon, it's gonna be fun! :) Cos i'm there. LOL.
17th June, Teoheng with the girls and boys.:)
18th June, Cle 7th month. Still, not confirm with details cos of the male lead, EdwinChng don't wanna tell me what he wished to do. Well, will update you guys ya.:)

Time flies while we are enjoying. So gonna cherish everyday now before school starts. Which means, hell gonna start too. Shit, gonna see the woman's face again. Like everyday. Fuck but that's alright. And he's probably asleep now, cos he's working tmrw. Hope it's not going to be tough, but well he needs to get trained for the future! Lol. Gtg, so ciao!

Determination.

2010-06-06T01:43:00.003+08:00

I managed to do it for a day. But i'm afraid that I can't do it for another day. Nah, it's okay. I will make sure that my determination is strong. I don't want to let my efforts wasted.

Something so genuine. I don't understand how can you get over it so fast, well that's the way you are. Pretty disappointed. However, I won't let this affect me. I will re set my mindset b'cos the previous mindset was thoroughly wrong. I will remember every single words you told me before, cos till now, I still find it sweet and logic. Honestly speaking, I don't mind who text each other first. But when I took more initiative than you do, it's tiring. It really is, just that you won't ever know it cos I won't tell you this. I won't wanna utter a single word, say nonsense to you anymore. B'cos whatever i've said, is rubbish. Haha, i'm not going to bother much anymore. Cos, I don't wanna feel the way that you're not feeling the same. And I think, I should treat myself better. Even if, the outcome gonna be bad, I will accept it and get over it. Time will help me.

Let's talk about happy stuffs today.:) Woke up at 4plus, I was so dread of going out cos i'm so sick. Down with flu and cough. Still, I went out to meet up with Sist and Wh over at CitySquare. Ate at IshiMura, walked around, bought some finger foods, Sist bought her shoes at CottonOn, bused back to Bk. A much more familiar place to stay. Haha. Played 0809, wh banker. Owe him damn much, but bo lai in the end. Thanks.:) Cabbed to Kb find Eugene with Vivian, homed at 11plus. Tomorrow going Bk I guess, cos wh he treating me huhu.:)

Ciao.:)

Random much.

2010-06-05T01:01:00.003+08:00

Hi.:)

Eczx created facebook! Haha, added him, and he'd accepted. That's cool. I'm having sore throat and cough now. Awww.. I always hate sore throat cos it makes me lose appetite. It's like, hard to swallow food. Faster go away please sore throat. I don't even know how I get this illness. Should be from Weihuang, the bitch. Anyway, tmrw meeting Sist.:) Yay meatball day. Haha.

2010-06-03T01:26:00.004+08:00

Hi, cyber. I'm back. Sorry for not updating this space as usually I will update here once a week the least. Last week didn't get to use comp b'cos some problem occured, lead to no internet. So ya, only get to use now. No photos too as didn't really go out. Haha.

Hols just start, hope time won't fly so fast yeah. I can't really recall what i've done for the past few days, well i'll just roughly talk about today. Anyway, was just slack and still slack. Met up with Sist, headed to Plaza Sing to have our meesua for lunch. Like finally! I can eat my meesua. Lol. Met up with Levin, Ahboy and Weihuang at there too. After eating, trained back Boonkeng, find the usual co to slack. Slacked all the way till 10plus, supposingly to go lan but in the end, the guys played blackjack at Potato's house, and I went home at 11plus. What's for tomorrow? Usual routine I guess. Meet sist, then eat and slack. Current upcoming events:

Kb outing! Only Kb cliques is invited yeah. Date's not confirmed, when confirm will update you guys.:)
11th June, overnight at somewhere. Venue will be confirm again.
18th June, Char and Edwin's 7th month celebration. Should be bbq at Ecp? Not confirm either, but definitely will be celebrating.:)

Okay, i'm so sick of everytime saying the same thing. Hence, i'm not going to say somemore regarding this particular person. Haha, ciao.

We must learn to forget things quickly, think positively!

2010-05-24T04:27:00.008+08:00

Hi world. I'm tired.

Just came home not long ago. Yeah that late, cos last minute accompany EugeneChua to TTS with Vivian. He fell down, and wanna fake mc so ya. 2plus, cabbed to Bendemeer, Potato's house, then walked to Sky lan. Cabbed home at around 0330. I'm dead beat man. However, i'm still hesitating whether wanna go school or not. But to my situation now, I doubt i'm going. Cos got learning journey, if I go i'm crazy. Can sleep I don't want, I go. I'm not that stupid yeah. Lol, tuesday must go school cos got oral. Wednesday off again, thursday take report book, then HOLIDAYS! One month okay, not very long, but as long as it keep me away from school, i'm happy. I'd alot of plans on my mind now, but seriously who gonna fulfil each and every of it for me? Seems no one, well I gonna depend on myself. I believe I can man.

Today, we've got less than 4 text. You said, it's a random thing that you wrote. Typical answer. Whatever it is, I just wanna see you happy. Everything just put aside. Even though how much unwilling I am, I won't utter a word. Cos to you, the more I say, the more you treat it as rubbish. So no point for me to say, and if you don't even care, I will fuck care too. You seems not to be bothered, so why should I be bothered too? I care doesn't mean you can take me for granted. Tsk. I suppose you're enjoying yourself everyday. Yeah that's the way, don't waste your life. Don't want to say already, cos i'm not feeling good now.

Bye.

If you're tired and sick of everything, tell me. Cos I am double of how you're feeling, in a bad way.

2010-05-23T14:44:00.008+08:00

Hi. You know, I seriously don't have the mood to do anything. Just yesterday, I quarrelled with bro and mum just because I nearly lost my phone. That's so fucked up. Just one week plus ago, things were very fine between me and hot cow. But now, I don't know what went wrong either. I feel that, everything changes for a reason. Though I don't know what's the reason, but i'm not going to find it out too.

You said you've chosen, and you think that person is the right one. So well, I don't know who is it, but all the best ya. :) Hols coming, guess I gonna have real fun. And gonna cherish it in a way that, I won't regret after having fun.

Ciao!

I won't think about what you said before anymore.

2010-05-21T18:39:00.007+08:00

I told myself these.

I must learn how to take things easy.Cos that's the way it is.

I must learn to keep myself happy even though the sad thing is he ain't around. Cos no point pouting over it as he won't come back if he's really gone.

I must learn to think positively as that's what he told me before, and that's before. Cos I believe it whatever he say.

I must learn not to chase him for reply whenever he late reply. Cos it will only irritate him to the max.

I must learn not to let my imagination run wild when he late reply. Cos it won't do good for us.

I must learn to say that's alright whenever i'm feeling upset. Cos he taught me this, I remember.

I must learn to hold my tears back whenever my eyes wants to cry. Cos I don't want a swollen eyes! And, there's no point to cry seriously.

And,I've learnt to cherish every time we spent together as it may be the last time. Cos I wouldn't know when we'll have wars again, that's unstable.

Most importantly, I must not take things for granted cos I don't like people to take me for granted too. And, I remembered every single words you said to me.

This, applies to my dear Meatball too. I know what you're thinking recently, please don't think of him anymore. I'm here for you always.

2010-05-16T01:11:00.010+08:00

Hi yo. :) Exams officially over on Thurs, felt relieved. Thou I know the results gonna be damn bad, but whatever, at least i'd tried yeah. All right, lemme talk about Friday first.

14th May. Friday, meet up with Sist. Had meatball day, hah. Went to Tpy had lunch, and walked around. Camwhored at library, then walked to Roof Garden. It's definitely a nice place to chill. But we only stayed there for a few minutes cos it's gettin late. And we went over to Bk. As usual, slacked. Walked to Kb with Kb cliques, then bus home with EdwinChng and EddyChng. :)

As for today, it's a Sat. I loved today to the max. Seriously, now then I realize the meaning of to the max. Hahah. Supposed to celebrate Yonglee's bday, but in the end they went to Sentosa. So sist and I gave it a miss. Met up with her @ Bk, then trained to Ps to have my meesua. Took some pics at handicapped toilet, then decided to go Vivo meet up with the rest of the co. So we trained to Harbour Front. Met up with Yonglee Eddy & co @ Skypark, walked around, then went to Timezone to find the rest. Took photos. Terence brought us to a place that's real chilling, but I don't know if is it safe. Lol. Trained back to Kb @ 6plus. Slacked till 7plus, Yonglee took 1 bottle of Grape alcohol down, all of us drank. 8plus, cut cake. Everybody ate. I start asking Yonglee to piggyback me 1 round, next Edwin start the nonsense too. Lol, then all the girls went crazy over piggyback. Hah, Eddy piggyback Jiehui. He was like ran out of breathe already. Nevermind, then I asked him to piggyback me again. Heheh, at first he don't want. After much forcing from me Jiehui and Char, he agreed. He piggyback me down the slope, then went up. He said, going down the slope is easy, going up is hard. Yeah, can feel it. Cos when he go down he can run, but when go up, he walked very slow. It's okay uh, that's the first time and I know it's the last time. At least, you piggyback me once, i'm contented. :) Walked to Bk, as Eddy's ez link card only left one trip fare. Then trained home with Chng brothers. 15 May, spells great. :D

Hope everyday will be like today. But fat hope lah, it won't. Lol. Anyw, I guess Ck is enjoying at pub now. Well, have fun yeah. Remember to text me can already. :) I think, I typed alot already yeah. I'll update this space soon again. Ciao! xoxo.

2010-05-13T22:46:00.002+08:00

You know, how happy I was when I received your text like once again? It's just some feelings that I can hardly express it out. However, I don't know what to reply. I'm afraid that every words I say is wrong, i'm afraid that the same thing will happen again. If it's really do, I guess I won't care anymore. I really can't take one more blow from you again. Anyway, i'm still glad that you'll text me like you promised me to. I guess it takes some time to let things be normal.

T.I.M.E

Listen to me.

2010-05-12T01:06:00.002+08:00

Hear me please... This is a post for someone special. Don't bother guessing who's that so ya.

Boy. I had no intention to make things worse. I've not been feeling like this for quite a long time. But for you, i'm feeling this way right now. I feel myself so inferior in fact i'm not cos I know how i'm like. I feel that i'm sucha failure that, I always caused so many things. I always spoilt the happy things myself, and it were destroyed in my own hands. Perhaps, both of us were in the wrong. But I understand that, all words said back then were all out of impulse. Yeah I admit I am. Blame me for always regret after doing wrong, blame me for always make promise to you yet I broke it myself. Maybe it's not you whom took my care granted but me whom took your everything for granted. Even though how much I hate whenever you broke your promise of meeting me, i'm speechless to this now. Cos I realize that, friends are always your priority. I remembered every single words, your harsh words, in the last few messages you sent to me. You don't wanna hear from me anymore, but hear me once more please. This will be the last time I swear. IF, everything are able to become normal again, though it's very hard for us to take things normal even if we talk again, but i'll never regret anymore. I will take things very seriously this time round. I won't want another time of war again. It's awful. Trust me, it really is. Just wanna say, I care for you cos you're someone special to me. Maybe more than a friend, but it'll never cross the line of close friends.

Everytime when I took the initiative to text you, i'm afraid that you'll not reply. But now, I don't have the courage to text you first anymore. Hope i'll really receive a text from you soon.

You teached me, that's alright. I'm glad.

Happy laobu day, love you mama. :B

2010-05-09T02:32:00.002+08:00

Happy Mother's Day to all mums. & Happy B'day Weili. :)

Heylo. Ale's feeling well now, had running nose, and I don't know how many fucking times I sneeze this afternoon till now. Okay back to blogging. Let me summarise what i'd done today, cos i'm dead beat, after I blog I wanna chiong to my bed, and on the other hand, my mood's ruined. Why? I'll tell you later.

Met Xt at Bk -> Magnum -> Trained to Ps, ate meesua. -> Trained back to Bk -> Slacked all the way till 10plus -> Terence's house -> 1am plus went home with Vivian.

Weihuang's sucha good boy, one call to him, he came down straight. Lol. Yea that's how boring my Sat is. Guess next Sat will not be one, cos it's FOOYONGLEE's b'day! Let's bash him up man. Just you wait, 16punches. :) As in, his b'day falls on Sunday but we gonna celebrate it on Sat as everyone couldn't make it on Sunday.

Next week onwards, my exam paper will be very xin nang. As in relax. Cos all paper its either end early, or start late. Especially on Wed, reporting time for my CPA paper is 10am. Shiok. Can sleep more. Did few papers already, I gonna flunk all. Teacher say, he's very disappointed in my Chem result. But what can I do now? Nothing. I will buck up on my EOY, trust me.

As for why my mood's ruined it's because of that man. Wtf. I don't feel like elaborate further cos i'm upset. Damn upset, seriously. I really don't know what you want. Even if as a friend, you affect my mood that much. But what you know? Fuck, you know nothing at all! You'll only pissed me off everytime. And everytime, I gave in cos I don't wanna have wars with you. I just wanna have peace. But you ruin the peace everytime. For the time being, I just wanna fuck care everything, yeah everything. I don't wanna let anything affect my mood, not worth it. I just wanna be happy for now. I won't demand anything now.

So ya, goodnight.

Don't keep me in suspense.

2010-05-02T02:26:00.010+08:00

Sup! I'm in quite a good mood today, despite of my period. Hah, I will always moodswing when period comes, though now still have but today i'm not. I'm so proud of myself. Hah, in fact, i'm very high, right girls? Lol. I love today! Muacks. :D

Supposingly it's a day with Sist Ball(Jiehui), but end up we went to Eddy and Edwin's house. Met up with Sist at Bk, bought things and had lunch at usual place. Trained to Pp and meet up with Char and Vivian, then trained to Buangkok. Edwin came fetch us, before we go his house, we went to Fairprice to buy 3 bottles of drinks. Oh man, his house was damn comfortable! Air con everywhere. Hah. 3plus, Yonglee and Koksoon came. The guys played mahjong, while we girls used laptop. I find it boring after awhile, so I went to E's room while Vivian used his comp to blog. I lied on his bed, and went to my lalaland not long after that. The bed was dead comfy, heh. The thing that pissed me off was, after I slept for awhile, people coming in. It was like damn noisy, so I was awaken by their noise. Lol, hence I woke up, and tidy his bed. Supposed to leave their house at 4, in the end we leave at 7plus. Trained to Pp aftermath, and bused to Kb. So long didn't go already, those slacking days feelings were back man. Zhenyu and Joey came. Had dinner at market, thanks sist. :> Stupid Eddy, scold me. Wtf, that's alright uh. Since you made my day today. Lol i'm sucha fool lah. Slacked at voideck, played big 2, and leave Kb at 10plus. Bused to Terence's house with Zhenyu, Joey and Vivian. Lepak at his house till 12plus, then cabbed home with Joey while Zhenyu sent Vivian home by cab. Woooo, what a day, I love it. :)

Oh ya, friday was damn shit for me cos of y'know, that butch in the fur. Nabei turtle. I just say, "at least I say i'll give it you on Tuesday what." She walked away, I thought nothing happen. In fact, I don't even think that I actually attitude her. -.- Next, Z ask me to go DM room, and yeah it's this matter. He asked me if I think I got attitude her. Obviously I say no. Then he say, recess go find him, and settle by then. Recess go back, I reluctantly admit it's my fault. Cos, what can I do? Since she got back up, and if I still stubbornly insist that i'm not in the wrong, I won't possibly get thru the day. I don't wanna spoil my Friday! I'm smart. So wrote some reflection, and I walked rounds and rounds around the school to find her and get her signature for approval. Ite, found her, and she wrote some words for me. Hello, I don't even care. I only wanna get rid of the trouble. I don't care if any one of you read this. I didn't mention any name, and this is my blog. Remember. :)

Anyway, I created a facebook account. Fuck, i'm like noob using that can. -.- But it seems fun to me now. Maybe logging in often, shall see eh. Exams starting next Tuesday, good luck to everyone especially, my dearly girlfriends. :) I'd no worries for Eczx, cos he's smart. :D Alright till here, ciao!

And bro, what's wrong with us these few days? We don't text like how we used to, we don't talk like how we used to, we don't talk like how we used to, we don't play like how we used to, we don't joke like how we used to. Do you know these? Sigh, i'm just trying to amend all my attitude given to you. It's just sorry and still sorry, hope you'll understand...

Right here waiting

2010-04-29T11:20:00.002+08:00

Sup. I'm using comp now at lab, having CPA lesson. The rest are doing their undone work, while me and Jiehui are using internet. Aw, bro didn't come school today. But he'll most prolly coming school later. :) Hahah. Later going Bugis with AdelineYeo, my sist. Heh.

Yesterday was hell man. Stayed inside reflection room for8hours, from morning 8am to aftnoon 3pm. Just because, we skipped nafa test. -.- What the fuck man. It's more like prison in there please. Whatever, I only know that, 'she's' my jinx. Whenever I see her, no good things will happen. Curse her lah ok.\

Anyway, mye's starting next Tuesday. It's like woah, i'm gonna flunk again. It's okay, i'll do my best then. Friday, meeting up with Kb cliques. Sat: Maybe meatball day, or meeting that bro before he goes for steamboat. :) Wooo, looking forward man. Alright, shall write until here. Update somedays then. :)

Did it every came across your mind?

2010-04-25T01:41:00.006+08:00

Hi all. I'd just finished editing my new blogskin. Finally I found something plain. I don't like blogskins to be very flowery here and there, complicated that kind, so ya here it goes. :) Texting with Gcp now, heh. Alright, let me recall things on Friday...

Friday, 23rd April.

Supposed to go Sports heats, but gave it a miss as most of them didn't go too. It became meatball day instead. I met up with Jiehui at Bk, if i'm not wrong it's around 2plus. She mis called me for about 10 times okay! Fucker one. Lol fake. Went to eat Tomyam, then mac. Kaixuan baobao and co came after that. After having their meals and ice cream, they went to St george, while Jiehui, Kaixuan and me went up for magnum. We were thinking that, it's really gonna be boring if we stay at Bk. Cos no people to slack, even if they do, nobody gonna accompany us till late. So we headed to Hougang, Sheena's bbq to find Xt and co. After we reached there, Xt left to another friend's bbq. Jiehui and I stayed there, played cards, then brought the foods and drinks down to the pit. While they were cooking, Jiehui and me went to take photos. Literally we were tired, so we sat down near the pool chairs and table. Had heart to heart talk with her. I don't really remember what happened next, or rather i'm lazy to type everything out. As to cut short, I cabbed home with Vivian at around 1am plus, watched tv and slept straight.

As for today, it's another boring Sat. I know it's very sickening to keep saying this sentence for about 3weeks but it really had no event like movie or what. Instead, I slept at home till late evening then went Bk to meet Char and Edwin. Ate at the usual place, then went to Potato's house. Not long after that, EddyChng came. We went down as EddyChng wants to eat. Weihuang and co was at there too. After eating, went to bball court for card games, then walked to Skylan. Last minute decision. Played a few rounds audi with Char. Godly, my skills totally rusty, in fact it'd never improve. That's alright! As i'm not very addicted to it nowadays, just play it if i'm boring. On another note, just killing time playing that. Went home with EddyChng, Edwin and Char.

I really really really really hope my next Sat won't be that boring. I want some great outings, girls! Organize some please. I know, it's exam period, but you guys also need time to relax what. Not everyday study, that won't do. As for me, i'm very relaxing. Cos I know, i'm sure gonna flunk mye. I know I know, this is not right but what to do? Seems like i totally lost my heart to study. Whatever k, don't talk about this now. Maybe meeting Gcp tmrw if I'm able to wake up on time. Most probably will cos can't sleep till too late, school on Monday. Fuck.

To my dearest sist, GJH. Read this, girl.

I'm glad that i'm the one you're sharing your tears, your joy, your attitude and your secret with. Seriously I am. Even the highly confidential secret of yours, you told me. And I bet you felt relieved. Hah. Actually, you can just tell me anything you want. Cos between us, we'd already built a trust. However, this trust was not stable. Cos sometimes when you want tell me something, or I want tell you something, we will hesitate for awhile. No matter what, I hope we'll go to the extent that, we share secrets without hesitating yeah. Cos, the only one I trust now is you, and not anyone else. It just need time to built trust between each and every one of us, especially in Jacshy. And I also know, you trust me so I won't ever betray your trust. Mark my words. :) Love you, ball. Heh.

It's because, I care for you.

2010-04-20T22:10:00.005+08:00

Moshi moshi. :)

I suddenly feel the urge to blog so here I am. Do you believe, while i'm typing my mind's blank. Well, let me recall somethings I wanna say alright. Hah. Oh ya, before that, I wanna say that, Jiehui and me was officially sworn sisters on 17th April. I'know, it sounds a lil stupid or childish, BUT, who fucking give a damn? I'm doing things that I like. :) So on every 17th April, it's our anniversary day. We promised each other that, on our 1 year, we must really enjoy ourselves hard, real hard. Yeh meatball? Hah.

Alright, let me talk about today. 4Es 4Ns and 5Ns had their nafa test today, whereas mine is tomorrow. I'm feeling so anxious please, especially thinking of the standing broad jump. Oh man, phobia. Whatever. Went to see them in the hall, ended at around 3.30pm, went to block 2. Then slacked at mac with Ryan Jiehui Kaixuan and Xt came after that. Had a great talk with them man, laugh till roll. Hahah. Homed at 6plus. I reckon, i'm skipping the sports day on friday cos it's boring. One standard reason. :)

Me: "I think I gonna have pms these few days, be prepared k."

Ken: "Okay."

Me: "You have to think of ways to ease my pms, hah."

Ken: "How i know, I also don't have pms." LOL. -.-

I hope this is the end of it.

2010-04-17T23:50:00.004+08:00

Hey yo. Let me talk about Friday first okay.

Friday, 16th April.

Jiehui accompanied me back home to change. At first, was planned to change and go back St george slack. In the end, I went to Tpy to find Xt Char and Vivian, while Jiehui met up with Joey. Reached Bugis, Xt went to get her bag, walked around after that. 6plus, Xt left, the rest of us trained to City Hall meet up with Junyong they'all. But they were damn late, so met up with Hafiz Sunaiman(Idk how to spell their names.) they'll first. They took us to some place which we walked quite far there, while waiting for Junyong Ryan they'all. They reached at around 8plus, then walked to Fort Canning Park. Lol, yeah we went there, doing nothing but feed mosquitoes. Went home at around 9plus, I'know it's like so stupid to walk up and down, somemore it's quite dark and nidda walk a long way up then'll reach. But it's okay afterall. Hah.

So today is Sat again. Yeah boring sat once again. Supposingly to celebrate Yeeting's bday, thought will be having fun or that but in fact we didn't. Instead, I rotted at Vivo with Ken and Jiehui till 5plus then trained bck Bk, walked to St george find Baobao and Weili. While at Vivo, we walked around, round and round and round and round. No doubts, it's boring. Went to skypark, Toy's'rus, accompanied Ken to eat at Ljs, sat at first floor open space, camwhore, talked cock and sang song. Lol. At Superstar, borrowed Weili's Ipod, listened with Ken. He's fucking high can, keep sing song. Hah, everybody were laughing away cos he's the joker of the day. Slacked at block 8 after that while waiting for Baobao. Reaching 8, she came and went off after saying bye, the 2 guys left too. Meatball and me went to eat Tomyam after that, ice cream, and went home. Oh man, what a Saturday. Nevermind, I won't let my next Sat rot! :)

Hey bro. Just forget about everything, yeah everything. The whole lot that i've said cos it's nonsense to you so it's okay. I mean it's like, what I said it's definitely true, you'll take time to realize. So many people is proof, but I don't wish to mention. I just hope things could be like previously, we talked cock, we played and we had heart to heart talks sometimes. That's my only demand. I don't think it's overboarding. But please remember, a sister is still a human, I still have feelings. I just don't like whatever it does to you, that's it. I reckon you'll read this, but whatever it is, you'll still be my bro. :)

Goodbye.

Things changed.

2010-04-14T22:10:00.002+08:00

Sup world. :)

Hah, gave school a miss today. A sudden decision before I sleep yesterday. I just feel so tired and sick of everythg. The school, the people, and everythg that affects me. Last 2 days in school, I cried while listening to songs. I know it's damn stupid lah, but just can't control y'know. The lyrics and all, just pushed my tears out. Jiehui was affect by me, and she cried too. I don't want to shed tears too. I don't want to have swollen eyes either. But it's out of control.

You said, you won't take my care for granted. So this is how you won't. Well, guys whom sweet talks or say honeyed words aren't that trustful. But I chose to believe you cos we're good friends. :) And I'know, you're going to be cold again. It's okay though. Guys tends to be hot and cold like nobody's business. In fact, the real irritating one, is when guys told girls some words, and made girls believe it. In the end, when girls probe guys about is it true with what they said, they'll say girls are irritating. What the fuck. Conclusion is, guys are tempremental animals. Good friend, do all you want.

And bye world. I need some peace.

Good things always end at wrong timing.

2010-04-11T01:39:00.004+08:00

Baobao! :>

Yo, this is Ale typing. Alright, let's start off with Friday. Supposingly, I thought i'm going for detention class after school. In the end, I didn't. But I promised my chi teacher that i'll copy the work that she'd given to me if I fail to do so, another yellow form will be given to me and i'll get double punishment. Of course, I won't want it to happen so ya, i'll do it on Tues. I was so fucking pissed off with that Indian boy and the teacher. What do you mean by i'm not in the class for chi? You motherfucking blind asshole, I didn't even see you stepped into my class! Shalln't give a damn to this kind of people, that'll only make me even pissed off.

I am racist, YES. But what's wrong is it? Don't tell me some Indian aren't racist too.

Yeah, then slack as usual at St george. Went back to school, to see Pass out parade by uniform groups. Joined their campfire at night, so high please everyone. Nightwalked ard school with the girls, not very scary aftall.

So, today is Sat. No event for this sat, so had a simple day and just let it rot. Met Jcs at Bk mrt, then trained to Farrer Park, CitySquareMall. Had lunch at Subway. Godly, this is the first time I spent so long eating a bread. -.- I had difficulty, eating, drinking and even talking. I had these three ulcers at my right upper lip, damn fucking pain. Esp, every time I wake up, I'd difficulty opening my mouth so I had to force open it, and give it a silent cream cos it's hell pain. How it came was very stupid. I ate black pepper pork rice on either one of these days, then my mouth was on fire, I mea very hot and spicy. So I took an ice in the freezer, and put it in my mouth. However, it's stuck at my upper lip. So I pull it out, and the whole skin insde was peeled off! And it stick on the ice. What the fuck right. After that, it bleed profusely for about 15mins, and I drank my own blood. Lol, i'll never want to experience it again. After subway, walked to Yeeting house. Played poker for awhile, listen to songs that was high, Xt left, went over to St george to meet up with Baobao Sam and Ken. After tsy leave, the rest of us went to Bk. So this is how I spend my Sat. It's boring yeah no doubts, hopefully next Sat won't be that boring. :)

School days nowadays so sucky. Everyone in that school moodswings, and depend on mood to work on discipline systems. And that is the time, when everyone suffers. Cos, once he's in bad mood, he'll play games like sit and stand game. How fun, but it's not at all. I was like, every morning, so dread of going school, yet still pulled myself of the bed, and prepare to go school. Reached school, just wait for time passes, bell rings, and yay, school's dismissed. I'know, this kind of attitude ain't right for my studies, but I was like so sick of everythg, includes studies. I don't want to retain for another year, but I can't find any thing to motivate my to study. Perhaps, someday. Hah. Every morn, see her face, just irks me. I really switched off myself when she's there, or when she's talking cock. Cos, she got a cock face, cock hair, and talk cock alot. In this world, any kind of people do exist. I finally believe it. Lol.

Tmrw maybe going to pray at Punggol and near Bishan. If I can't wake up, then i'll give it a miss. Beauty sleep is much much much more important eh. :) Okay, i'll stop here as my brain had stopped working for now. Goodbye.

I reckon it's going to happen. And I guess, I like the feeling, xo.

Took my care for granted.

2010-04-04T21:51:00.007+08:00

Hi. Went to Shar's chalet yesterday, reached home only at aftnoon 2pm. Lied on the bed straight, I mean of course got change clothes and wash face all that. And slept all the way till 8plus. Hardcore, didn't sleep for the whole night. Stayed wide awake for the previous 24 hour.

Reached chalet at about 7plus in the evening. Eddy Edwin and Yonglee came not long after we reached. :) Happy me, heh. Ate abit, drank abit, played daidee with the guys. Edwin damn irritating lor, keep copy my pattern cos I can't see properly the card on the floor. Lol but he's the joker man, made Eddy laugh till peng. Hah! After that, walked out to Cheers with the 3 of them and Char Xt. Supposingly we were supposed to purchase alcohol, but we can't manage to. So asked Andy for help. Yeah, his friend saved us instead. Well, alcohol for the night, Vodka raspberry, while Xt and Char each bought 2 bottles, 1 vodka blueberry and 1 e-33. The 3 guys left after we bought our things. Xt was like totally seh or rather I should say drunk aft she drank. Damn joke one, vomited and ran around like madwoman. Lol. Aftermath, bbq some foods to eat cos was like very hungry, gain help from Jiexiang the great. Hah, whom helped me bbq most of the satays. Ahah, happy can already yeah. :)

Everybody went upstairs, left some of us at downstairs watching tv. Midnight show channel 8 was the Maid. Lol, we're at chalet somemore. Was like, damn fucking eerie man. After show, went to bath with the company of Char and Xt. I mean not bath tgt lah, take turns. Dried hair, continue watching show. The rest was drinking Martell upstairs, eeeuwk, I don't like the smell of it. Smells like herbs? Hah. Everybody face went red, like blushed. So all of them came down to chill, and some to puff. Walked out to Cheers again, cos dear Jiexiang wanna drink Vodka too. Heh! So almost everybody went out again, but only some went back cos the rest were at Mac. The chalet becomes quieter and more peaceful when the night gets later, I mean only upstairs for people to sleep. Downstairs left with, Jiexiang, Char, Xt and Kelvin. (I don't really know his name, but he's Andy's friend. :) And we talked cock, Lol, Jiexiang and Kelvin was pissed off by me, cos they say i'm very guai lan. Like real lor. Heh. Anyw, despite staying awake and made myself hell shag, I think we 5 owls had a great time, sharing jokes. Ahaha. Played monopoly in Su's lappy, joke too. After that find things to do, played poker cards, drink and keep drink, i mean soft drinks, intend to talk about ghost story but didn't. Played all the way till 11plus, checked out of the room, and went to eat. Finally, went home at 1plus, but only reached home at ard 2pm cos the taxi driver made a detour. -.-

I didn't go school on Wed and Thurs, which means my hols started on Tuesday. But time flies fucking fast can. 5 days gone, godly. And tmrw going to school again. Someone told me, when you're in school, you'll hate everything in that school, every sight of that school, just almost everythg of it. But when you're graduate from the school or you'd no chance to go back school, you'll start to miss every little single thing that happen in the school. Time flies, but memories stay. I guess, i'm just what he's saying. After I graduate or drop out, I will miss everythg in school. Cos once in a lifetime, you'll experience secondary sch life. In fact, i'm already missing my sec1 and 2 times. Lol okay enough, I think I typed alot yeah. So till here, update again soon. :)

Pierce through my heart.

2010-03-28T00:41:00.005+08:00

Pigpig. :) Meatball. :)
Ale.
Hi, we are Meatballs. :D

Sup! Today is a Sat again, and I went out. Yeah, I don't like to stuck at home on Sat. It feel so sucky cos Sat should be the day to have fun. :) So my journey for today is like that, Bk->Ps->Cathay->Parklane->Bk.

Met up with Jiehui, Xueting, Char and Yeeting at Bk in the aftnoon 1plus. I was late, damn late. Sorry girls. Hah. Wanted to cab over to Bk, but when I reached my house downstair, the road was empty, not even one bicycles. So I waited patiently for 10mins or so, no cab seen. Instead, my bus came so I board it, and train to Bk. Lol. Trained to Ps, walked to Cathay for lunch at Aston. I thought lunchtime over, there won't be many people, but the queue was still very long. So the waiter took our orders and waited for around 30mins, and finally went in. Waiting time+wait for our food in there, took us 1hour plus. Godly ah hah.

After lunch, walked over to Parklane. Supposingly to play pool, but it was closed for don't know what rehearsal. We thought nothing to do already, cos most of us don't want to play lan, and nowhere to go. So, we walked thru the way, and walked past a Chivas pub. I became curious, so I went in. I ask can we play here, the person say yes. So alright, we went in. And the place gettin cooler. From I thought we'll only get to play pool, to sing and drink in there. Everyone so high, especially meatball. Lol. Ordered beers, and we sang. Time flies so fast. Xt and yt left at 6plus, while the rest of us sang till 7plus and cabbed over to Bk to find Eddy Edwin and co. Played daidee. Meatball left at 8plus, chng brothers left at 9plus. So early please. Left Bk at 10, went home straight. Dead beat, hope tmrw my stomach won't be that cramp...

School again on Monday. Sigh, spells sian. Wednesday sequoia class going Tpy stadium, don't know rehearse what thing. Really don't understand why we need to do all these. Why don't use the time on out studies? But of course I don't wanna stay back aft school for extra lesson cos I don't like to stay back unless no choice situations like, dc. Whatever man, low percentage I won't be going. :) Hah. I think that's all, update this space soon. Ciao. B-)

143, yi li qiao.

2010-03-25T21:36:00.005+08:00

Hi. Friday's tmrw, i'm happy cos I've finally went thru 5 days of school by then. I feel so relieve. But another few more weeks to go, MYE. Anyw, it's Thurs, and i'm right here. Reason being, first, I wanna blog out some thoughts I have. Second, this post is dedicated to my dear Meatball.

Let me talk about yesterday first, which is Wed. School was dismissed at 12pm, cheers. Went home changed, and met up with Andy and Jiehui. Headed to Ps LJS. I pierced my second earbone hole. And it suck now, really. I pierced it before but it closed, now I re-pierce and it's not the same feeling as previous time. Hope the hole will heal properly, cos I'know the healing process sucks big time.

Anyway, things are fine between me and boy. *Hello, it's not bgr k.* It's like, I don't mind taking the initiative to message first cos I always do that. But no harm messaging him first cos, we'd patched things out. Great. Things were like before, i'm glad, boy. :)

From here onwards, it's for dearest Meatball.

As for today, things happened. I don't wish to elaborate what exactly happen cos it's quite confidential or what. And people, don't ask me or meatball what happen, cos we won't say. I just wanna let Meatball know someth. 9months plus relationship with him is over. Put it all behind, and live to fullest each day cos i'll never fail to make your day yeah. And this is what Meatball for. I know, it's hard to get over sucha long relationship. Well maybe not very long, but its consider long yeah. But please wake up. I don't mean to be harsh on words, or hurt you, here or whenever I tell you about him. It's just that, I don't want you to get any hurt further. Cos, the one who will cry hard is you and not others. I know how heartaching it is, I know what's the feeling when you see once your boy holding onto other girl's hand, I know I know. But whatever it is, it's not no point for crying now. He won't go back to you. Crying is a good way of venting, please cry. I would rather you to cry than doing other things that you think is not right yet you stupidly go and do it. I believe you are a strong girl. Maybe no more friends between you and him, I mean maybe, but seeing him happy you should feel contented enough. Cos once your boy was living happily, without hurts or any other things that affect his life. Lastly, don't brood over it anymore, it's really really really x100090 over. Regardless of what, girlfs will always there for you, and me. :)

Cos good times were hard to come by.

2010-03-21T04:03:00.009+08:00

Cute. But of course not the right one, hah. Joke.
On the tram to Sentosa...
EdwinChng.
Michael.
IvyWong.
Ale and Cle.
Pigpig and Ale.
Group photo. I wasn't in there cos i'm the photographer. :)
But, it kind of looks blur. Lol.
Left: Guizhang. Middle: Eddy. Right: Edwin.
Guizhang, the muscular man. AHHAH.

18th March, Thursday.

Sentosa with Kb cliques and co, as you can see above. I think, they really enjoyed themselves to the max. When raining, I thought they'll come up, but they continues playing in the rain. How fun. Ahhah, I sat at the shelter all the way. My body wasn't wet AT ALL, part of it kena sand cos Ivy threw it on me just to force me go down the water. Lol. 4plus, went to changed, and the girls bathed. Some unhappy stuffs happened, but after that it's okay. I know he's not that petty one, but i'm really so sorry, dear boy. Y'know, it's so nice to wear and I might not get the chance to wear it again so ya. Hah, headed to Vivo, they had dinner at diff place. Some settled their dinner at FoodRepublic, some at LJS. Went separate ways after that, Kb cliques went back to Kb. Chng brothers moved to Sengkang alrdy, how sad. Distance drifted once more, it's okay man, doesn't matter cos i'll still get to see him. :)

Yoyoyo. :) I'd a nice and full meal at Changi Village as it's my parents' 28th wedding anniversary. Whole family were present, except 2nd bro, he was at elsewhere, drinking duh. Before going home, went to see ah gua. Woah it's Sat but I only get to see 4-5. They were like so sexily dressed. When my Dad's vehicle passed by, got one ah gua fucking go adjust his neh. Nabei, disgusting shit ok. However, they're pretty ONLY IF, they don't open their mouth and talk cos their voice irks. Woman body, partially woman hormones, guy's vocal. Oh man. -,-

Well, as for today, it's a simple day for me. Went Bk to meet up with Char, had mid dinner at Tomyam. Slacked at block for 1hr plus to wait for Chng brothers, they came up to find us after that. Yonglee and Vivian came awhile later too. Then went down to coffee shop as the guys wanna eat. After eat, walked to opposite block, planned to play daidee at there. Who knows, when we crossing thru the bball court, I saw one person playing bball, then I borrowed it and shoot. Okay missed. After that the guys went to play. -.- But but but, it's the funniest, jokest, bball match i've even seen. LOL. Match of 2-2. Chng brothers vs jacket(idk how to spell his name lah.) and Yonglee. Really laughed till peng. Ahahha, we girls get bored, then we went to voideck to play poker, then they came. Played daidee awhile, chng brothers left. The rest of us played a few matches of daidee and we left there too. I went to Tpy, while the rest went home. Yeah, he's cute, damn cute. Cuter each day. Gawd, I don't know what i'm talkin too. Hah.

Holy mama, my sist took my bag, and saw a ____ inside the bag. Good game already this time round. But whatever, it doesn't mean anyth too eh. Small deal I suppose. Hols ending, real soon. Gonna sleep early again tmrw. No more long sleeping hours for me, no more late nights for me unless weekends but it's so short please. Sigh, how I hope to end this. I just told my mum that, I don't wanna study next year already, I wanna go ITE straight. It's like, no matter what, i'm still going to the same institute, I'm not poly material. Why should I waste 1 more year just to get the fucking paper? I don't understand why, and I don't find any good reason to explain this. Well, if when I know I retain, I study some course that technical studies too, I WOULD HAVE APPEAL TO 4NT. But it's too late. Speechless lah, wmm sucks my foot.

BYE.

The feeling will stay, but it's hard to say.

2010-03-17T23:10:00.011+08:00

Michael act cute. LOL.
No doubts, they're what's on your mind now. :) Ahha, fake.
This too :)Meatball! :D

Finally, they look like real man. :) Nie nipple, nie nipple, nie nie nie nie nie nipple. Hah.

Hey sup! I was feeling great now. Cos you know why? Tmrw i'm having Kb cliques outing to Sentosa! Hahah, though I don't know if it will be moodspoiling in the end, but it's okay cos yi li qiao's going. Yeah he's joining us after his f&n thing, but that'll be late. Nevrmind, i'll wait. :)

Anyway, went out today with Michael, Qingyew and Jiehui. First, went to Cathay Aston and had lunch at there. Walked around, and walked back to Ps. Played arcade. What the, Michael was trying to help me catch those soft toys, but failed 3 times straight. But it's okay, thanks still. Lol. Lepak awhile at Mos burger, went to Carefour to play. Yeah, we actually PLAYED at there, with their trolleys. First time ever, I did that. Anyw, it's meatball's $1 coin. Heh. We pushed the trolley everywhere the at there, things were alright but next, Michael saw alot of condoms at one shelf. I took one and threw it into the trolley. LOL, then I gave qingyew push. After that, we went to basement there, stupid qingyew don't want to push, and leave the trolley at the flat escalator there. Wtf. -.- Left there awhile later, and trained to Bk to find Char and Xt. Slacked at platform, baobao and aaron came! Woohoo, missed her. She's as cute, lol. They did something very sot, Edwin as example was sucessful. But it's fucking scary lor, we girls daren't try. Hah. Played poker, talked, laughed, Xt and meatball left at 6plus, and I leave there at 8plus. I'mma good girl today cos I reached home before 9. Early yeah? Lmao.

Received Hsa letter, $30 to be waived away, but I gotta do a survey. So I did it within 5minuts, I finished it. Now, and finally, sun after rain. 4 letters, S-O-N-G. Finally, no quarrells or bicker. But still, curfew at 11pm. Maybe a few minutes later but not too overboard. Yes I know. I'm just so so so so looking forward to tomorrow. Hahah, kb outing is the best man. Alright, will snap alot of photos tmrw. Shall blog again this Sat. Goodbye. :)

Ring Ding Dong ~

2010-03-14T01:11:00.009+08:00

Pp -> Plaza Sing -> Bk -> Kb. Conclusion is, happy day for me. Laughed alot with cliques. :)

Yeah, this is my Sat. Boring right? No choice too. Anyway, met up with Xueting and Yeeting at Pp, then trained to Ps for our meesua. Called baobao(Tsy:), coincidentally she was at Ps too. Hahah, so went to find her clique outside Daiso. Walked around, they all played at arcade, left awhile later cos they watching movie at 4pm. We 3 walked to open space, got some dance event. Tsa dance group was there too, some familiar faces like Ken, iyana. After it end, catch up a lil with Ken, and we left there and went to Bk to find Char. Slacked awhile, Ken and Qingyew came, and awhile later again, Xt and Yt left. Went to mac instead for air-con. So much of jokes in there! Made me laugh alot, 3 jokers around me. LOL. Went to Kb after that. Market to meet up with Ivy, yonglee, ks, edwin, Eddy. After that, went to slack at 64. The guys played cards, while girls just sat down and watch. Eczx was damn high and happy today yeah. Omg, never see him so happy before. The way he sang, Ring Ding Dong is damn cute and funny! LOL, made everybody laugh. And he makes my day. :) Went home at 10.30, curfew at 11pm. Holy shit.

Had some problems with family on Thursday. That was damn, harsh, hurtful. The quarrels last for 30minutes. Hello, it's 30minutes. It's very long, and all I do is cry. It's like, i'm so hopeless to them. I gained no trust from them anymore, yeah not anymore. This time round, he's going for real. I hate this. I hate reaching home by the time he wanted, but I've got no choice but to do as follow. If not, I'll gonna lose everything, yeah EVERYTHING. I can't afford to lose everything seriously. If that happens, i'll be just left with an empty shell. I'm feeling that, I'm living for the sake of living, and nothing else. I can just take my life easily, anytime. But there's some thing I can't bear. Not much is about family, but someth else. Even if I wanna take my life, I won't jump down of the building or hang myself, it's sucha a painful way of dying. I'll find some way that's less hurtful. When I reach home, life becomes meaningless. My mind came to think of everything. I said, even if I got unhappy stuffs, who can I confide to in this family? She said, children at your age, sucha young age, where to find so many unhappy stuffs? I was like speechless back at the time. Young age means won't have unhappy stuffs? Young age means I have to bottle up my feelings and stuffs? Young age means I have to tolerate this? Sigh, I really don't know what to say. But don't worry, i'm fine now. It won't brings me down so easily. Cos this happens numerous time already, i'm used to it. If everytime it happens, I would have died long ago. Whenever such things happen, I will tell myself, I am strong so as to carry on with my life. Let me shout for once, IT'S ENOUGH! Okay done.

Upcoming:

17th March- Meeting up with GohJiehui that bong, hah.

18th March- Kb cliques outing. Celebrate Cle 4th month. :)

It shall see how it goes yeah. If some people not going, then maybe it'll be cancel. Hoping that, the plan won't spoil.

The smile of your face brightens my day. Every time hear or see people say, when you see the one you love happy, you'll feel the same too. I always thought that it was stupid enough. It's like how can you feel the same when both of you are different person. But things are different now. Now, I feel it. Yeah, I really feel it. When I see his smile, that was like even if how sad am I, i'll can't help but smile too. It's way too sweet. I've got a mindset now, and I gotta get it done. Xoxo, Eczx.

You can never say never.

2010-03-11T12:30:00.004+08:00

Hi world. :)

Yeah, went to Sentosa ystd with Sequoia class and our coaches. As in, 2NS and 3NS. Had alot of fun at there, we played Beach captain ball, volleyball, soccer and some fun games at the sand there. For once, I enjoyed myself seriously during Sequoia lesson. :) Kelvin(Skating coach) said that, our next Sequoia trip will be going to Bintan. Lol, I guess I won't be going but gotta see yea.

Currently having CPA lessons inside comp lab, teacher didn't come on MC so we had our freetime instead. So used this freetime to blog and change blogsong. Sec4n having elective module, yi li qiao didn't come for 2 days alrdy. He said it was boring. Well, hopefully he'll return tmrw, cos it's the elective module last lesson. Truth is, he never come it's also quite good, on the other hand it's not. Cos, there's always a person in his class that I hate. Whatever.

Hols coming! Great, i'm feeling happy, real happy man. Happy x1090992947890. Upcoming event:

One of the days march hols, Char sweet 16th b'day! :) Exact day, 22rd March.
3rd April 2010, Someone's b'day chalet. Wait till it's fine to announce then you'll see. :)

Alright, gotta go to other site. Bye.

Everything I do, I give my heart and soul.

2010-03-07T01:47:00.005+08:00

First of all, I wanna wish my dad, Happy 50th B'day! 6march, Xoxo. Hmm, just hope that his job will last till he retires or what. And, most imptly! Be healthy at all times. Cos as times goes, people aged. And when people aged, all sorts of rubbish diseases or illness will find you. So hope my dad will live long, same goes to my mummy. :) Loves, though sometimes both of you are really irritating, hah.

Alright, I'm back home for today at 12.30am, for the past 1hour or so I was editing pics above, blogsong and all that. Yeah, everything happens for a reason behinds it, so I decided to put this blogsong for the sake of someone sang this. Hah.

Friday, 5th March.

Godly ah, it's the horniest day ever. Lol seriously. First time talking about stuffs that ain't sounds right outside in school uni somemore. Hah, anyw fun yeah meatball? Nod nod. :) Played Passcode with some bunch of hilarious people, I was suay enough to bomb 2 times straight ok. I did clear it, but not in a proper manner as what the person told me to do. Cos it was like, really, omg. Heh, don't wish to elaborate anymore.

For today, yeah went out again, as planned, Movie day. And yes Bugis for shopping first once more. Recently keep going that place, just to buy clothes. I don't really like there actually, but well hanging out at there was not so bad as I think it was anyw. Met up with Meatball at Bk for something, saw Sam Jingwen and co. After that, bused to Bugis. Had lunch at FoodJunction, Andy and Jinjie joined. Next, went to street, 2nd floor to get my stuffs and Jiehui's. Shopped around, 3plus Char came. Went back to Junction again for aircon, some chillings, cos weather was really damn hot man. Separated with the couple, and we 3 trained to Dhoby Ghaut to see movie timing. Supposingly to watch at Cathay but it don't have the movie we wanna watch, anyw we wanted to watch being human by Jackneo. So watched it at Ps gv. Eddy edwin yonglee and guizhang joined, then they went to eat. Vivian reached after that too. Meatball didn't join us movie cos the movie was 6.45pm, she nidda reach home by 9. We were late for movie, cos the guys thought that we were watching at Cathay so they went over to eat at Parklane. We went in at 7pm. Movie ended at 9pm I guess, bused back to Kb with cliques. Slacked at usual place, guys played few rounds of poker and went home. I went to Tpy instead. * Anyw, i'm sorry people for having some moodswing or attidude after movie ended cos I don't know why also, maybe cos of the reason, you should know why yeah. :) And yea this is my Saturday.

Gonna audi awhile, as the time is still early, for me. I'll turn in near dawn I think. And, march hols coming soon! Look forward to it man, like finally a break from school, esp from that witch. Holy fuck. Okay, gtg, goodnight world. :)

I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me. Love you still. ~

I got you.

2010-03-02T08:48:00.002+08:00

FUCK LAH. I just did my chinese paper, and I feel so suck. -.- The paper was alright, but the comprehension is definitely not alright! I'm gonna lose mark in that already. But whatever.

I feel so heart pain for ylq. He keep running at parade square cos he's late. Stupid V. __ So skinny already still need run, wtf. Nevermind. He's gonna be alright, cos he's strong. :) Loves.

Why such people exist, I wonder.

2010-02-28T03:12:00.010+08:00

Happy 22nd B'day to AdelineYeo! :) Xoxo.

Sup. I'm dead beat now, seriously. Cramp is killing me, and I don't have sufficent sleep. Tmrw is the second day, it's gonna be worse, hopefully it won't. My mood wasn't that up and down this afternoon, but now it just suddenly went off, and I feel as if I don't have mood. Supposingly, tmrw i'm going to temple to pray with family, but guess I can't make it alrdy. Mum told me not to go too, cos period clash with temple. So I reckon, I gonna stay at home tmrw cos I know I gonna be so damn fucking tired. Anyw, Yi li qiao's new haircut is cute. We've got bangs. Lol. Okay, i'll type in point form about what i've been doing these few days.

Wednesday, 24th Feb. First: It's a hell day, whole day at Ecp with Sequoia class were ruined by that motherfucker bitch. I was so fed up with her. She talk cock as if she think she is my mother, what the fuck. Fuck you, fuck hard, nabei. Curse you sucker! Hope won't see her again on Wed, but I shouldn't be going too. Skating cause so much problems for me. Talk about this kind of people, irks me. Ahhhh fuck care man.
Second: Jiehui come my house after that. Got changed, and went to cut my fringe into bangz. It's better now, better than my previous fringe I guess. I wanted bangz before CNY, I only get the chance to cut till now. Feels good.
Third: Trained to Hougang Mall to eat and all that, and met up with Char and co.
Fourth: The other girls left, Char and me went to Sharleen's house with Ivan and her.
Friday, 26th Feb. Jiehui accompanied me home after school. Got changed, and went to Bugis with Char and Xt. Motive going there is to buy my bag and top. After getting my stuffs, went over to Junction, eat, saw Andy and Jinjie, took neoprints.
Bused to Bk, and cabbed in St george. Supposed to find Edwin and co at there, but by the time we reached, he left. So slacked awhile with Junxian and co, beloved girls went home and I go back Bugis meet my sister and her boyf.
Had dinner at Seoul Garden, sister treat. Took neoprints, sister treat. Milk Tea, sister treat. Arcade, rock fever, sister treat. Her boyf is sweet, he used alot of tokens to catch 1 bobdog bear for my sister! But in the end, my sister passed to me to bring home take care.
Saturday, 27th Feb. Woke up at 12pm, bathed and all, went to meet Jiehui and Xt at Pp mrt.
Trained to Bk to get some thing, then trained to Farrer Park. Had Subway at City Square, then walked over Yeeting's house. Supposingly to study, in the end not even a single one took out their books. But it's okay, enjoyable day still.
7plus, trained to Pp, and bused to Kb. Yeah, slack as usual. But this time, Edwin and Eddy were not here. Family day for them. Sadded. Nevermind.

Alright, gotta blog again next week. My eyes are shutting, goodnight world. Love eczx.

Yi li qiao's. :)

2010-02-25T12:29:00.003+08:00

Bangz! BANGZ!
I got bangz now! Heheh, new hairstyle. Hm, look cute to me eh. Right, friends? LOL. This time round its the best bangz i've ever cut, I think i'll remain bangz for a few months unless anyone cut too. Hah. Yi li qiao cut hair too! Cute, we've got bangz now. Yay. :) Love you.

I love your smile, I love the funny way you talk.

2010-02-21T03:16:00.003+08:00

Meatball, xoxo. :)
Coincidentally, guys name we liked all start with E. Hah.

Friday, 19 Feb.

Yeah, as planned, Kb cliques went out smoothly. :) Met up with Meatball first, see doctor, then cabbed to fetch another 2 beloved girls, after that cabbed to Bugis. As we met up late, we shorten our shopping time. Afterall, there wasn't many things that caught my eyes too, so it's alright. Cabbed down to Cathay at 6plus to meet up with Guizhang, Yonglee, Yi li qiao and Edwin for movie. :) Bought movie tickets, the timing was till quite long, so the guys went to eat at Parklane. While we girls sat outside Cathay, waited for them to come back, then go in theatre. In between, Xt left and Vivian came. We watched ' Kisses '. Movie end at 9pm. It's sucha short and boring movie, it's just story about 1 boy and 1 girl ran out of their house. Ratings, 2/5. I can say, only the lc part of both of them is nice. Hah! Took 175 bus back to Kb, had dinner, and everyone went home. *Though it's a short day spent with you, i'm still contented. I love the accompany of you. :) xoxo.

As for today, woke up at 6pm, bathed and prepared. Went to meet Char at Kb, Edwin yonglee and Vivian came, we went up to Ivan's house. Bai nian cum play poker cum mahjong. Heh. Didn't see ylq today but it's okay yeah, will see him soon. Lol. Alot of people were at his house. We left his house at near 2am, and I cabbed home with Vivian. Today was a short day, but I still enjoyed myself. :)

Common tests is approaching. And I promised myself to really study after CNY is over. Now is the time I guess. Common test is the first step to pull me closer to not retain again, but I guess I gonna flunk most of the subj, esp Hist. I really cannot make it with that subj. Social studies alrdy sot me like fuck, now I still need to memorise for Hist. I don't have photocopy memory neither I got the interest for that. Yeah it's not what I want, but I did appeal for Geog, appeal fail. Suck cock lah she. Whatever, i'll do my best.

Time check, 3:45. Goodnight. Love you, yi li qiao. :D

Once in a blue moon.

2010-02-14T23:24:00.003+08:00

Hi, hellow. :)

Yeah, I gotta chance to blog now cos my bro went out to drink. Lunar new year, my house just left with me and my parents. They're supposed to play mahjong, but all the kaki gone. It's okay uh. Alright, just now went to Uncle's house to take red packets. This year's red packet is lessen, but my parents gave me a real big one, so nevrmind. Anyw, I understand that this year's economy is bad so ya. I counted all my red packets, and i've got the total amount alrdy. Well, hope it's enough for the things I wanna buy.

Bro just went out, mum was worried. Cos, he drank alot of alcohol at Uncle's house just now, he's like abit seh already yet, he still insist to go out. He's just so stubborn, so hopefully he'll take care of himself when he's out.

I'm feeling sick now. Sore throat just now, and i'm feeling feverish now. I took one pill alrdy, hope I won't get real fever tmrw. I hate fever among all sickness, serious. It gives me headache, somemore can't bath sometimes, need wait for fever to subsidies then can. Maybe, i'll have a good tight sleep tonight, and i'll feel better tmrw. :D Anyw, yi li qiao's val present still at my table. Gonna find chance to give him, if he don't want then i'll throw it away or give other people yeah. Got to go, bye.

It suck thoroughly.

2010-02-14T01:27:00.003+08:00

Sometimes, when you thought back everything that had happened, you'll tear. Tears of joyness, or tears of sadness. Sometimes, memories brings back sorrows. As we grow older each year, you'll come to realise that what actually Love is. All I can say is, we all are too young to talk about Love and relationship, or maybe I should say its too early.

But now, I came to realise that, everything is hard. A person that love you genuinely and a person that you love genuinely is hard to come by, hence when you found it, don't let it go becos it may not go back to you once more. Waiting for a person is a process to train to endure any hurts, and no matter how hurt it's going to be, we gotta endure. No matter how cruel, how harsh the word he/she gave, we gotta endure so as to love him. Love is not like that. Love is seeing the person happy and you'll be happy too. Remember, love is not selfish, however it's purely happiness. Once you got pure happiness, you'll be the most blissful person. And true love is hard to come by. So cherish it before you lose it forever.

Happy Valentine's Day to all couples, and my lovely girlf, of course Eczx too. :)